Parents,
Have you had 'The Talk' with your kids? Does the thought of talking to your child about sex turn your stomach in knots?
In the name of Jesus, please allow me to give you a little straight talk about The Talk.
It has to be done. And, as the 'Rents, you are the ones to do it. I promise, there is no need to worry yourself to the point of hives, nor is there cause to bury your head in the preverbal sand! You can do this! There is, however, cause for you to take seriously the need to
talk early and talk often with your kids about sex and the importance of
saving all sexual activity until marriage.
Talk to God - Pray. Pray for your child's purity. Pray for what your child is exposed to outside of your presence. Pray for your child to see herself the way God sees her. Pray for your child's future spouse. A really smart momma told me that she always prayed that her children's hearts would be asleep until God had the person to wake it up. Is that precious?!
Talk Early - With the Littles, use correct anatomical terms. Penis and vagina are not dirty words. You need to be comfortable saying these words and so do your children. I explained it to my girls this way: pee-pee/penis or pee-pee/vagina are similar to sofa and couch. They mean the same thing. I gave several examples: chair/recliner, bike/bicycle...you get the idea. Children are not squeamish about saying a word like 'vagina' until they learn to be. Really, it's not a big deal--head, shoulders, knees, toes, penis. It's all about learning their 2000 'fearfully and wonderfully made' parts!
Talk Often - Talking about sex with your child is not a one-time deal. Use teachable moments. Media gives us plenty! Here's the deal, your kids WILL get a sex education. They can get it from NBC, government school, a Kardashian (Lord forbid it), the cool cousin, church, or YOU. I can not say this to enough Mommas: The first person to talk to your child about sex is the expert--Be the expert!
I'm not saying oversaturate your kid with inappropriate sexual conversation, I'm just saying don't let the moments pass you by and don't wait for some special dinner. Just be casual. Never let 'em see you sweat.
Talk Privacy - Anything covered by a swimsuit is private. I'm okay with using the phrase 'private parts' as one of those interchangeable words mentioned above, too. No one, including Mom, Dad or Doctor, should ever look at or touch private parts without the child's permission. I have always appreciated our pediatrician for going overboard in this area. She overtly asks permission in my presence. When discussing privacy, it is also beneficial to encourage your child to save discussions about private parts for alone times with parents. Teach your child that talking about private parts should be, well, private. Do this early. Teach your child to whisper, for the love of Peter. Hey, I'm just trying to save you some embarrassing questions coming ever-so-loudly from the stroller about the time you are checking out of a department store.
Talk Purity - You can't be too pure. Raise the standard, here. Be extreme. Be radical in your fight for your child's purity! We must fight fire with fire! There is a war raging against purity! Remember those yay-hoos putting a bounty on Tim Tebow's virginity!? Aggh! I wrote about this before, read that post
here. I just read it. Man, I was fired up! I just realized, too, that I am repeating myself a little. I guess I mean it. :)
Talk Marriage - When discussing saving sexual activity until marriage, be sure to use language like "husband and wife", not just "man and woman". You want to plant those words deep. The world is hitting us all with 'friends with benefits' (I say 'friends with liabilities'). Set the standard for marriage extremely high, and discuss marriage and sex as a wonderful gift from the Lord. God created sex! Yay, God! Sex is for procreation and recreation within the covenant of marriage.
Talk Goals - When I was a traveling relationship educator (read: sex ed teacher), I was shocked at how many students had no clue how to set goals. We need to teach our children to keep their eyes on the prize! We need to use opportunities to teach them about delayed gratification. We can't always get what we want when we want it. Allow your child the satisfaction of saving money for a new game, even if you can and want to buy it for them. Wait for things to go on sale. When you have to wait for something, talk about how great it is to have a fun experience after having to wait for a while.
Once these goals are set, it really will help you in many areas. For instance, your son sets a goal of lettering in high school basketball. Wonderful! In order to do that, grades will need to be just so, practices and conditioning will have to be priority, as well as other team responsibilities.
This is usually a good time to discuss things that can derail your goals. Like an unintended pregnancy, a DUI, major distraction that causes grades to drop, etc. You get the idea.
Talk Media - This is multifaceted.
Television, movies, music, print ads, internet, etc... they are all a part of that war against purity. I am all for censorship. Do not think that your child doesn't understand the innuendos. This is just ridiculous. You are kidding yourself. (Remember, the title says "Straight Talk".)
This doesn't necessarily mean censor forever. At an appropriate age, discuss media messages with your child. Have conversations in light of God's Word, sharing a biblical worldview.
Do not put a TV or computer in your kid's bedroom. This is a no-brainer to me.
Media includes communications, such as phones and texting. When I asked high school students for one piece of advice for me to give to parents of younger kids, the Number One response is, "Don't let them get a cell phone!" No joke. High schoolers are seeing the problems of cell phones in their own lives. Just delay it as long as possible. I know it is convenient for your teen/preteen to have a phone, but parenting isn't always convenient. You had practices after school and went to friend's houses without a cell phone, little Junior can, too.
Texting is not required for the phone to work. Don't be afraid to shut it down. Seriously, other parents will applaud your willingness to take a stand, and likely follow suit. Be a trend setter! :)
Oh, I could go on! I've found this subject coming up more and more lately, so a post seemed timely. Please feel free to share your thoughts and share this post!
Bottom line:
TALK!
