To Be Known

One of the cool things about moving to a new place, is you get to meet so many new people. It's awesome to get to know people and hear their stories. And, it's fun to tell your story. There are many ways and angles in which to tell your story, too, depending on your audience, right? In our case, we may talk more about church or homeschooling, or we may talk about Spouse's job and all the Lord has done with that. We may include family background, our marriage stuff, ministries we've been a part of and get to hear the same from others. It's fun and exciting to find the common thread(s) between believers.

On the flip side, one of the less than cool things about moving to a new place, is you meet so many new people. You are constantly having to get to know new people and learn their stories. It's like we are all giving our resumes over and over. It may be your church ministry resume (student, college ministry), homeschool resume (The standard, "I loved our school, but we knew this was what the Lord wanted for our family."), the family resume (we love having people in our home, yadda yadda). In some ways, it feels like we have been doing this over and over for the past year and a half. 

It is what it is. It's part of moving. We knew it.
The Super Sanguine here welcomed it.

Until I was over it. After a while, I got tired of my own stories. Those that know me IRL just chuckled. No. I rarely tire of telling stories. I just mean I am tired of telling the same stories! 

I just want to be known. I don't mean in a Fifteen Minutes of Fame kind of way. I don't mean any kind of fame. I'm talking have my people who know what I'm about. You know, the hometown kind of known.
*Singing* Sometimes you wanna go, where everybody knows your name...*

{Image Credit: Cheers}

And, then. I am known more than that. The number of hairs on my head is known. The number of hairs  that are in the drain for my Spouse to clean out is known. The number of pounds I have gained is known. The number of minutes that number takes up in my head on any given day is known, too. The number of cells in my body is known, including the rogue ones. The work that I was sent here to do is known by the One who sent me here to do it.
All of it. Known to a known God.

You have searched me, Lord,

   and you know me.

² 

You know when I sit and when I rise;

    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ 

You discern my going out and my lying down;

    you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ 

Before a word is on my tongue

    you, Lord, know it completely.

⁵ 

You hem me in behind and before,

    and you lay your hand upon me.

⁶ 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too lofty for me to attain.

Psalm 139:1-6

The girls and I have been memorizing Psalm 139 this year. We are way behind schedule, but I can't tell you how many times I've come back to it. There is so much goodness in this Psalm, but let's go with verse 1, "...you know me...my thoughts...my going out...a word on my tongue...". 

The God who created you knows you. He knows me.

That same God has given me a precious few who know me, too. They get me. I don't take for granted when new people come into my crazy and walk along side me in it. There are a few in particular here in H that have been total rockstars in how they have loved and spoken truth over me.

Tonight, at a women's Bible Study, I met someone new. We had each been told we needed to meet. So cute, right?! This sweet homeschooling family just moved here from Florida. My other friend, Christa, the new friend and I were all chatting about being the new girls at one time or another and giving our resumes and talking Jesus. 

You know the scene: three women in a parking lot after Bible Study. 

I was talking some sort of shenanigans when my Jesus who knows me gave me the sweetest of gift: Christa interjects in my story and explains to our knew friend, very cheeky, "Melissa has a hard time expressing herself..."

GAH!

Boom. Known.

I need to quit looking to be known and act like one who is known.

When the Pastor Says, "Greet the people around you..."

I rejoiced with those who said to me,

"Let us go to the House of the Lord!".

Psalm 122:1

We've learned a few things in the past year and a half about being the newbies. Not the least of which is how to better handle the greeting time at church. When the pastor says, "Let's all take a moment to greet the people around you and tell them you are glad they are here today", I handle this much differently than I did before.

A simple "Good morning." doesn't cut it, Church Member.
That's what you say to people you never expect to see again.
Say, "Good morning", by all means, but there needs to be more.

Introduce yourself. "Good morning, I'm Melissa." Hopefully, the other person will say his or her name. If not, ask.

{pinterest pic}

Repeat the person's name. This is key. Say it back to them. "Mark and Melissa? I'm so glad to meet you."

Ask if he or she is a member of your church. If you have multiple services or a large church, you may not know if this person is a regular. So ask. Plus, this gives you another opportunity to say her name back to her. "Melissa, is this your first time at BCF or is this home to you?"
I did this to people even when it was my first time to visit. I would ask them if this was their home church, if it was, they would inquire the same of me. When I would say, "No, this is our first time here", it usually created a lightbulb moment for them to step up the game and be a little more welcoming. *smiling*

One of my favorite couples at one of our favorite churches ever, walked right up to us and said, "Are y'all new here or do you come here every week?" I was in love. In. love.

Keep talking. I am serious. This is not just for the sanguines. Ask some questions. If the person or family is new, ask "Do you know any one here? Are you familiar with the building? Do y'all know where the bathroom is and whatnot? Did you get a cup of coffee?" It doesn't have to be formal, just think of the questions you have when you walk in to a new building and help them find the nearest exit just in case there is a guest speaker that goes a little whackadoo. I kid. But, really. Help them out.
If they aren't new, you can still get to know them. "Now, Melissa, are you involved in a community group? Which one? How long have y'all been at BCF?" That sort of thing. Be genuinely interested.

Write their names down. When you turn around, type those names in your phone or write them in your little notepad or on the bulletin or something. Then, at the end of the service, provided they didn't bolt out the nearest exit-which you told them about, you super-cool church goer!- you can say, "Mark, Melissa, I am so glad y'all came today! I hope I'll get to see y'all again."

For Extra Credit- Walk with them to pick up kids in the Kid's Area or Student Area for more chat time. Take them over to the ministry tables or personally introduce the family to the pastor. Dang, invite them to go get chips & salsa with you! There's not really extra credit. It's just an idea.

What are some ways you handle the greeting time?

Summer Solstice & the Swimsuit

"Summer afternoon--summer afternoon; to me those have always been 

two of the most beautiful words in the English language." --Henry James.

Yes, Mr. James. Just yes. 

{Good Summer.}
{Photo credit: My Spouse.}

Today is the first official day of Summer. The Summer Solstice. Listen. We have been on unofficial summer mode for a good 5 weeks. Judge not. We love us some summer time over here.

<Singing Kenny Chesney's "Sweet Summertime">

Summer means water: beach, pool, lake, a river, water park, water hose, watermelon- whatever. It gets hotter than a billy goat in a pepper patch in a good bit of this country, so it's a good idea to have a means of cooling off if you are going to be outside for 42 seconds.

<Singing Brad Paisley's "Water">

If you are a summer-loving person, this undoubtedly also means Swimsuit Season. 

Eek! Swimsuit Season.

Two words that cause a lot of women and dads and preachers to develop dyspepsia. 

Recently, the former White Power Ranger, Jessica Rey, gave a talk on the "Evolution of the Bikini". She is now an entrepreneur and modest swimsuit designer asking the question, "Who Says It Has To Be Itsy Bitsy?" This video has been sent to me several times this week, likely because I have mentioned on occasion how we are at war in the fight for purity for our kids and ourselves. We are. 

She is articulate and adorbies and God-honoring and worth your time.
Spot on.

Then, I've got this little article about embracing bikini season and our imperfect bodies floating around in my head, too. So, I'm struggling. And, this makes sense cause I'm a girl. A girl who is also at war with her thighs.

Do you see my plight here? Fighting thigh spread and purity and a man's prefrontal cortex!? On the same poolside?! {Thigh spread: Sit down, thighs spread. Stand up, they don't.}

Dang. So I figured I'd just give you a few of my personal momisms and girlisms and my best internal hypocrisies about the dreadful/beloved swimsuits. This little list might just give you whiplash, so brace yourself. I doubt I'll take the time to organize it, or it would never get published.

• You need to know: I'm so schizophrenic about this. My views have changed over the years and are directly related, I'm sure, to my own insecurities. Meaning, I've absolutely spoken out against the appropriateness of the bikini when really I was just bitter that my body would have been inappropriate in a bikini. Legalism and insecurity usually hold hands.

• Power Ranger Jessica is on point with that science of the prefrontal cortex. We have to know this. This isn't about men being creepers or pervs or anything other than XY chromosomes with good vision.

• If I believe that, and I believe that as a Christian and a wife and a friend, I have a responsibility in how I treat another person's brain function, this would require action on my part. (Comma much?)

• This isn't solely about a bikini to me. This is about the heart. What is the intention with the bikini? What is the intention with the skirt, the shorts, the jeans? This changes how we carry ourselves in any given situation. 

• I have seen with my own eyes a young girl conduct herself quite sensually wearing a very modest, youth minister-approved covered one-piece swimsuit. I have also seen a young lady (and been) in a bikini and conduct herself (myself) with respect. Again, it's a heart issue. I know you have similar stories.

• Switching gears: I like to get a tan. Period. This is not a secret. Of course, a two-piece bathing suit helps in this situation. That said, even in my most fit seasons, when I have worn a bikini, I have NEVER felt comfortable in it. Never. Could this be because I wouldn't feel comfortable running around in public in my underclothes? Ughhhh!!

• This is just another situation in which we need to just be intentional. Be intentional. Think about the company you'll be in, the activities you'll be doing. One piece bathing suits at the water parks, Kids. If a group of girls are going to be at the pool tanning and just laying around and all your parts are covered, I don't really have a problem with a bikini. If you are going with a coed group to play volleyball and whatnot, perhaps a tankini or one-piece would be best. Are y'all tracking with me here?

• I would love to not draw hard lines here, but let me just say there are some of your parts that ALWAYS need to be covered up. Always. For instance: 
• Breasts. All of them. The whole things. Cleavage and all, bikini or not. 
• The crack of your rear end. This low biz is deeesgusting. There is a reason you can't see your own rear end. No one else needs to see that junk either. 
• With all sensitivity and directness, let me include the "spare tire", "back cleavage", the...um... striae. Listen. I'm not judging the cellulite or the stretch marks (except my own!). If having babies means stretch marks for you, well, babies rule so Stretch, Skin, Stretch! Just have a little self respect and save the bikini for uber-private situations and rock the tankini otherwise. 
• Be sensible, People. We don't have perfect bodies, I know, but just do the best you can with what you've got. We all need to be thankful for our bodies and do the best we can with it. 

• We need to come to happy place with our bodies. Being in a place of satisfaction with our appearance doesn't mean we have to "flaunt it if you got it". At the end of the day, I don't want to be remembered for how good or bad I look in a bathing suit. I want to be remembered for the evidence of Jesus in me. 

I don't really see us all coming to agreement on every little point here, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. I'd really love to hear the male perspective.

Straight Talk About The Talk- Part 1

Today, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of parents at my church about talking to their kids about their sexual purity. Naturally, it led to the updating and reposting of this blog from last summer. In true Melissa fashion, I added a lot, leading me to break it up into installments. It looks like there will be 4. Unless I add more. :)

In the least self-promoting way, because I believe in the message, I hope these become the most shared posts of all the Spouseisms posts.
Preparing our kids for a fulfilling, monogamous marriage is the ultimate Spouseism. :)

______________________________________________________________

Parents, Pre-Parents, Educators,

Let's talk about sex. :) (My blog hits just went from 5 to 10 just like that!)

It's time for a little straight talk about The Talk. 

It has to be done. And, as the 'Rents, you are the ones to do it. This business of expecting the I promise, there is no need to worry yourself to the point of hives, nor is there cause to bury your head in the proverbial sand! You can do this! There is, however, cause for you to take seriously the need to talk early and talk often with your kids about sex and the importance of saving all sexual activity until marriage.

Talk to God - Pray. Pray for your child's purity. Pray for what your child is exposed to outside of your presence. Pray that those you entrust with your kids would protect them from exposure to harmful media images. Pray that he would be blind to images that are preying on him. Pray for your child to see herself the way God sees her, a precious gift, purposed in this world to change the world. Pray for your child's future spouse. A really smart momma told me that she always prayed that her children's hearts would be asleep until God had the person to wake it up. Is that precious?!
Pray for these things with your child/teen. 

Bonus: It changes your relationship. Really. They see into your heart and truly believe that you don't want what's good for them, you want what God has for them.

Talk Early - With the Littles, use correct anatomical terms. Penis and vagina are not dirty words. Honestly, it's cute to hear a toddler say vagina. Mine said "sagina" and it was the best! You need to be comfortable saying these words and so do your children.
I explained it to my girls this way: pee-pee/penis or pee-pee/vagina are similar to sofa and couch. They mean the same thing. I gave several examples: chair/recliner, bike/bicycle...you get the idea. Children are not squeamish about saying a word like 'vagina' until they learn to be. Really, it's not a big deal--head, shoulders, knees, toes, penis. It's all about learning their 2000 'fearfully and wonderfully made' parts!

Talk Often - Talking about sex with your child is not a one-time deal. Use teachable moments. Media gives us plenty! Here's the deal, your kids WILL get a sex education. They can get it from NBC, government school, a Kardashian (Lord forbid it), the cool cousin, church, or YOU. I can not say this to enough Mommas: The first person to talk to your child about sex is the expert--Be the expert! 

I'm not saying oversaturate your kid with inappropriate sexual conversation, I'm just saying don't let the moments pass you by and don't wait for some special dinner. Just be casual. Never let 'em see you sweat.
You end up repeating some things and that's okay. Each time, new areas of conversation will come up. And, more details will come up. Don't wait for them to ask questions. By the time the questions come, they've been brewing. Stay ahead of 'em if you can.

I'd love to hear your stories and ideas. Let's help each other out here!
Do you use correct anatomical words in your house? Is this a subject area that causes you angst?

Upcoming Installments: Talk Privacy, Purity, Marriage, Goals, Consequences, Media. :)

Good Work: Under Construction!

He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete 

it until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

Fact: He started it, but He's not done. :)
(Tell me you read that in Dwight Shrute's voice.)

This week is sort of an anniversary for me. Eight years since I had this little "cancer episode".

The BackStory: 
In Spring of 2005, it was discovered that I had a nodule on my thyroid gland. By the Lord's direction, we tested and tested and two surgeries later my thyroid gland was removed, along with the cancer that was growing on it. With some RAI (radioactive iodine) treatment and whole lot of prayers, the cancer was gone and I was free to go about my life with a Spouse, a four-year old, and a two-year old.

That was the year of the cancer, but also the year of the headache. And, I mean THE headache. All year. 11 months of one solid headache. I remember walking around the outlet mall one day with my praying, cooking, and cleaning friends and I said, "Hey, Y'all. Stop. I think my head isn't hurting!" I had to focus for a second because I wanted to be sure!

Let me tell you something, that was not an awesome time. But, it was. I got a front row seat to the show called "The Body of Christ Takes Care of Its Own". My people prayed incessantly and specifically. The headache was keeping me from sleeping, so my friends, Kay & Stephanie, called one another and prayed for me one night over the phone without my knowing. I slept. Jesus. My people showed up.  Spouse and my very best sister friend on this planet were the first faces I remember when I woke up from both surgeries. Meals came floating in to my house for three solid months. I sometimes watched as my laundry was folded, floors vacuumed, and dishes were put away. It was so weird, but I was grateful. And, when I was feeling good, they just showed up. I was going to be recovering on Easter, so my friends came for an Easter Egg Hunt at my house on a Thursday. A sweet young couple who had gone through a great deal of medical bills in the past dropped off $400. No joke. Young couple with two young boys at home. Not wealthy grandparent-types, either. Amazing. Only God compels that kind of sacrifice for your sister. My girls' birthdays were made great. A week after one of the surgeries, I tied a little scarf on and we had dinner with Cinderella & Prince Charming at Disney. Magical. It was something not easily forgotten when your people show up for you that way.

As far as the treatment, it wasn't much more than a little drama, really, and I was never scared. February to May and it was over. Surgeries were not great, but it wasn't terrible. The worst part was the radiation. I took a Radioactive Iodine pill that resulted in 5 days of isolation from everybody. I mean everyone. The nurses only came in my room once a day, wearing a lead vest and pointing a Geiger counter at me. Seriously. It was crazy. I was crazy. I had taken my trusty Beth Moore Bible Study materials with me, declaring it was going to be "Me, Beth, and Jesus." Whatever. I think I did one day of my Fruit of the Spirit Study. I was stir crazy. SANGUINE girl was alone. Isolated. Not really feeling well. I could see a Target outside my room window. Sigh. And, it was the weekend of the Runaway Bride from Georgia. Y'all remember her!? Lord, I'm sorry I didn't do my study, but I was nothing less than obsessed with that bride. She was the cutest thing. I did eventually complete all my homework. :)

Honestly, though, it was all pretty quick. I consider myself and my family on the receiving end of the gifts of early detection and a good life.

Gifts given by the One who gives perfect gifts for His own name's sake. Jesus.

The NowStory:
Follow up treatment includes taking a synthetic thyroid hormone every day and getting my TSH checked every 90 days. My TSH had been pretty stable for several years, but in November and every test since then my Thyroid has been off in one way or another. And, I have felt it. Suffice it to say I was livin' in a fog: there was not enough sleep to be had, inability to make a decision (me. no opinion. that's all.), just foggy. I'll not even mention the rest of the physical stuff, but to say there has been some physical stuff. Evidently, moving can be a major life stressor that can discombobulate your endocrine system. Yay. That's what I need. Discombobulation.

Then, about 2 weeks ago, my doc changed my Synthroid dosage. It was actually a little too high and as of 4 or 5 days ago, I am feeling brand new! Puh-raise the Lord! Seriously! I can make decisions all by myself! I have gone a good week without crying! *Happy Zumba Dance here.*

<<<<Note: I have mentioned before that silence on the part of this blogger is typically not a good sign. It's been a month since the last post, but I noticed today that I have 5 drafts. Fog brain couldn't even finish a post. Well, I'm over it. Brace yourselves. <--- That may be a little unnecessary hype, but I'm excited! >>>>

Also, since my doctors had different ideas about body scans and whatnot, I haven't had one since May 2005 (Hush. I know.)---well, now it's time. This week I begin to prepare for the scan on Friday. I will have an appointment of some sort each day of the week and stop taking the Synthroid. I am getting an injection called Thyrogen that allowed me to stay on the Synthroid longer and avoid the Low Iodine Diet (Which I unknowingly did for 4 days. Boo.) I've already had an ultrasound, which showed no thyroid tissue and I am not concerned in the least about this scan. Not a bit. Jesus peace.
My biggest concern was feeling better and I am. Now, I don't know how I will feel after 5 days off the medicine, but it sure is a lot better than the original 3 weeks off the medicine. :)

Here's the schedule, cause apparently, I can make decisions but have no boundaries:
Monday, Tuesday: Thyrogen injections. Wednesday: Radioactive Iodine pill (Not as high of a dosage as last time, so no isolation.) Thursday: Blood draw. Friday: Scan.

So, here I sit in a little camper while my family sleeps giving you, my five faithful readers, the longest status update in the history of Facebook. (I say "five" because I learned my friend Ricky reads. I used to say "four".) Those of you who get upset about mundane FB posts may never read my blog again! Ha! I am tempted to comment how boring this is must be for you, but I won't.
The God of the Universe began a work- a good work- and His work is never boring. With Jesus, it's a ride!

Thank y'all for being so patient with me and coming back to this little space on the interwebs.
I love it and I love you.
It is the coolest thing to me that you read this jazz.

Darkness and The Christian.

This weekend, while my happy little family was camping and carrying on, a brother in Christ that I've never met was walking in a most dark place.

The news of Matthew Warren's suicide was saddening to many and devastating to the family, I imagine. I ache for them.
Immediately I started to wonder how hard it must be to be Rick Warren's son.
To be a force for Jesus Christ is to put a target on yourself and your family for the Enemy to attack. 

My own head is Satan's weapon of choice against me. Although, I've NEVER been suicidal, not even close, I know what it's like to feel gray and defeated and guilty. All while [semi] carrying on with life. I usually just call it a "Funk". I've written of this before.

Last week, speaker and author, Jen Hatmaker, on her blog, called it the "Doldrums". In this post, she proceeded to tell her readers some of my exact thoughts! Evidently, we've been in this little funk on the same timeline, which is a [nother] bummer, cause we could have at least been eating our way through it together!
I encourage you to read it and develop your own attack plan for if/when the funk hits you.

This weekend Ed Stetzer of Lifeway Research wrote this post for CNN regarding "Mental Illness and the Church's Response".  Read this. And have your church leadership read it. 

Understand that these are two different situations: Mental illness or depression which requires medical help and a time of just being "low".

A few points on this:

• We've got to give our Christian brothers and sisters a safe place to work through this junk! Just because you've never experienced it, doesn't mean that it isn't real and dark and painful and debilitating.

• Call it what it is. This weekend, my Spouse spoke truth to me telling me that I don't have to believe the lies Satan is telling me. He called it: LIES. Lies that may sound like fat, lazy, guilty, terrible, unworthy, high-maintenance, stupid, worst mom ever, worst homeschooler ever, fatty mcgavin, ridiculous, can't believe I did that, I'm so dumb, etc....

• The darkness seems to have different shades. You might have a little gray, another may be living the charcoal area, while it seems others are in the blackest of darkness. 

• All shades of darkness are real, whether you've seen them or not.  

• For you to say to me that you don't believe that a true Believer can experience depression doesn't make me feel less depressed. It makes me a Believer in Jesus that wants to punch you in the throat.

• Let's work on NOT being little Christian tool bags and show a little compassion. Get over any stigmas or preconceived notions you've got about the blues, depression, mental illness, or meds. Just get over it.

• If you are in a funk, know you don't have to stay there. I get you.

Love,
Not a Tool Bag.

Note: The Spouse, the beach, the gym, & Jesus totally put me on an upswing. Get behind me, Satan!

Highs / Lows

Anybody have highs and lows over the same situation again and again?
Is this just a girl thing? Is this stereotypical girl indecisiveness?
Is it satanic distraction?
Is it just that some decisions are so monumentally life changing we don't know if it is a high or a low?

Bless.

This is where I find myself. Too much.
You can find my highs on Instagram or Twitter.
The lows can be found in one of two places: on this blog (cause I'm committed to being real) or in my silence (cause I just can't even put it into words).

Been separated from my people for right at 11 months now. Been settling in with new people for about 4. Some days that 7 month gap is an inescapable canyon. With a pendulum that swings over the width of the canyon as often as daily.
One day I can be completely settled in to our new little life, sure that God is working on us and through us. He is blessing us with people who love him and who love on us.

I am building a gaggle of 20-somethings that I am looking forward to hosting on Super Bowl Sunday. (It's a Not-Necessarily-a-Super-Bowl-Party. Be jealous.) We are already sharing some life experiences and praying together and there is some relationship building taking place. So Sunday, I plan on luring them in to unabashed love with us through Buffalo Chicken Dip.

We are plugging in to stuff. The Sisters are competing in Bees (Geography and Spelling) and making a good showing, playing tennis, soccer, volleyball, we are plugged in to our homeschool co-op (I'm teaching Bootcamp) and my word, church.
Our church is full of Lovelies. We are making friends and have a little teaching gig right now, so that's grand. We are sitting under fantastic teaching & preaching, so that is priceless. One new homeschool momma friend I made hasn't accepted my invite yet, but tells me she is impressed by how excited I am about my church.  I'll take that as a win that just hasn't happened yet.

See? It's happening. We're doing the thing.

Then...
The next day, or maybe the same day, I am in pain over missing my people. They are going through their own highs and lows and I want to be there with them! Since March 2012, we have gone back to Florida for a funeral and two weddings and missed three funerals. We have missed trips, Christmas, birthdays, breakfasts, complaints about teachers & fellow students, Bible study lightbulb moments, and a lot of barbecue!

We even missed this last night:

I have no words for that fantasticness! 

I love me some college students and these are two of my favorites on the planet!

I have a good friend who right this very second is coveting prayers for her precious 7 year old daughter and trusting Jesus in the most real way a momma can. I'm sick about not being there. Sick.

I mean ugly cry sick. I had a low.
I got a smidge on the bitter side. It went a little like this: I mean, Lord, you said to Go and make disciples! Well guess what? I was making disciples right there in Plant City! I'm not being prideful, but I'm just sayin'! For real. We were teaching and sharing our home and our stuff all Acts-style!

OK, maybe it sounded exactly like that.

Through a study, I'm reading through Paul's 1st letter to the Thessalonian Church right now and I'm telling you, I could have wrote his words! Now, I haven't suffered like Paul, for sure. I do feel his heartache, though. He loved those people. He lived life with them, discipled them and left them. Boom. Listen, there are things that we jack up in this house fairly regularly, but we know how to invest in people. I know how to share in my people's burdens. I call it holy-codependency-without-the-manipulation-part, catchy right?

But, Jesus.
Jesus is King.
He left his people, too.

<Insert pendulum swing here.>

So, this can happen several times a week for me as we transition in to making a home here, complete with new people.

What are your highs and lows?
Job?
Major?
School choice?
Living situation?
Family life?

Here's what I'm choosing. I'm going to be present. Even in my ugly, I'm going to do it here. Jesus was fully present where ever he was walking and I will be, too. I'm going all in: sweet tea, piles of laundry, homeschool shenanigans, messy pantry, unsolicited Spouseisms, a little hilarity and Jesus.

I'm going to stop second-guessing our decision and go with it. It's not that hard to please God. I keep wondering if we did the right thing and you know? With all that we are doing we are loving him so I know he is pleased.

I'm in.
Here.

 As for me, I will always have hope, 
and I will praise you more and more. Psalm 71:14

It's a matter of staying out of my own head and giving Jesus the mic. Anybody?
What truth does he tell you when you give him the mic?

Top 12 of 2012

A blog about blogs that I read suggested that bloggers repost a list of the most read blogs this year. This got me curious.

This was sort of a neat exercise, just to see what types of posts resonate with my people.

It says a lot about you readers, ya know. ;)

Here's the list of the 12 most read Spouseisms posts of 2012.


12.  Door. Closed. This was definitely in the top 3 worst days of 2012. A hard post to write and I didn't even like looking at it again just for this list.

11. Beautiful Singleisms. This is one that I hope readers share with some single folks.

10.  Straight Talk about THE Talk. This one, too. Talk to your kids before anyone else does.

9.  Paradox of Going and Leaving. Tough stuff.

8.  BIG BELIEFS, Little Beliefs. I wrote several of these "Beliefs" posts, but this one was the most read. I know why, too! Cause some of y'all straight up knew that somewhere in this post was the phrase "best sex"! Boom. Boost in readership right there. Just sayin'. I know what y'all are thinking!

7.  Revisitng Spouseisms for the Betrothed. Share them with newly and nearly married couples. Not everyone will agree with all, and that's okay. I still stand by them.

6.  Big C Church & Little c church. Loved this one.

5.  Spouseisms for the Betrothed See #7.

4.  Definition of a Bum. I dig when my Spouse writes.

3.  No Words. Whoa. Jesus showed up.

2.  Might + Should = Might Should Challenge to write for my friend over at Most Illustrious Mother.

1.   House Hunting as a Spaz. Our crazy search for a house was the most read? I don't know if I believe  it. Must be the wanna-be hackers. I had two random realtors post on my page. Gets on my blessed nerves.

So, there they are. Top 12.

Solid.

Passion 2012.

Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, 

so we cared for you. 

Because we loved you so much, 

we were delighted to share with you 

not only the gospel of God but 

our lives as well. 

1 Thessalonians 2:7-8

Dear BrookeReuelJessicaBrianEvanTarynJustinMartyJustinCrystalStephen
BritneyMaraKayBradleyAlixDavidChristopherBenCurrieKristaHannah
NathanJesseKaylaToriHeatherCharityAmandaJonathanBetsySteven
DavidJessicaKaylaLaurenAustin&anyothersImissed,


We know this kind of love. Y'all have shared with us the gospel of Christ, a love for His Word, and day to day living. I love having you in my home. I love UNO and Catchphrase and Madea and Buffalo Chicken Dippin' with you. 
There is no one I'd rather eat Salt & Vinegar chips with than Jessica. No one I'd rather discuss conspiracy theories with than Reuel. I would talk about child rearing with Brooke before I'd talk about it with James Dobson. Nobody loves us like Marty. And, I love the moment when Taryn finally speaks, because it's going to be good. BeeFearnow, too. He's deep. I can't imagine rocking babies with anyone but Krista. Tree & Jonathan are the best to answer my home-improvement questions when I can't get ahold of Spouse. If you wanna know right from wrong, just ask Hannah. I dig that she and I think in absolutes. I love getting Cruzado and Betsy fired up. Ben and Jesse inspire me to work hard. Britney laughs at my jokes and loves my kids. I look forward to Justin's future well-digging businesstry (business/ministry).  I love just being in the same room with Alix and Currie. Gracious. I can't stand it.


We have all come so very far these past few years in our individual walks with the Lord. The way we read Scripture has changed. We see movies and pop culture and arts and music all differently. You are no longer on spiritual milk. We went SOLID. We use words like 'worldview' and 'assumptive language'. We have experienced graduations, engagements, death, and a whole lot of life together.


Do you get it? I dig you. I straight up love Jesus in you. 


This morning (Thursday) I had a meltdown at the thought of leaving you for an extended period of time. I pulled over in a Wal-Mart parking lot and had myself a cry fit for daytime television.

I told Jesus out loud in the Wal-Mart parking lot in Somewhere, Texas, [You are the 'them' and 'they']
"Fill me with more of You so that I don't need them. Still, I want them. I like them. Fill them with so much of You that they don't need me. But, I still want them to want me...but...not so much that they can't want someone else. Lord, send someone quickly that will run in this life with them and lead them to the Truth."


Y'all, glean from Barry. Soak up whatever you can learn from him. He and Courtney have accomplished so much already in their lives. They have many experiences for y'all to learn from. Love them. Let them love on you. Love on their babies. Teach Courtney to play Nervous Uno, but watch out, I bet she's a hitter. Don't stay at their house too late, cause their kids are little. Make them dinner. They are the real deal. Text them encouragement.
Laura and her girls need you. She loves you and has poured into you in ways you don't even know. If you've ever gotten a birthday card or gift card, it is because Laura Storter sent it. She doesn't do the stuff that you see like I do--she has been doing the stuff you don't see for years! She has been where you are (young, in college, wondering what to do next...). Laura Storter is an excellent source of counsel.
Every time the Dickersons invite you into their home, go. You will be better for it.
Let Julie teach you how to really pray. Introduce Ray and Julie to Madea. Warn them first and give them my Madea speech about redemption, but introduce them. Get their phone numbers and text them invites to the Barbecue with you. They will likely struggle with the LIE about not being able to relate to y'all, but don't let them believe it. Help 'em out a little bit. Encourage 'em.
Love on, Coach, too.  Consider all the ways you can spur him on toward 'love and good deeds', Hebrews 10:24 style. He thinks so highly of y'all.

I don't know if your next leaders will make you play ice-breaker games or stand on the chair or talk about chlamydia. I don't know if your next leaders will know what Buffalo Chicken Dip is or say 'straight up' and 'bless'. They may not even like the beach. Gasp! Maybe they will actually know how to work the electronic devices or play an instrument!? Maybe they won't hit you with flip-flops!? Maybe they will take you deeper in the Word than we ever could and you are SO READY!

I do know that they will love you. And they will love you good.

But, not like I do.

Little C Church & Big C Church

"Remember when your parents gave you 'The Talk'?

I kid you not, those were the first words out of the mouth of Jason Hatch this morning as he began his message at First Baptist Church Irving, Texas.

This is a Yelp! picture. Not mine. :)

I was in love with this little church already. Spouse, the girls, and I visited this church today for the first time at the recommendation of a friend in Houston. I put a request out on the Twitterverse looking for Dallas/Ft. Worth area churches to visit, places to go, etc. My new Houstonian friend, Amanda, replied simply, "First Baptist Church Irving. In Jesus Name. Amen."
Well, since she said it "In Jesus Name", we gotta go, right? Good call, Amanda.

Let me say now that this was a superb day to be in the House of the Lord. I hope you were with the Body of Christ today, too.

Alright, so we walk in to First Irving...
We hadn't figured out how to work our movie-theater-style seats good before these sweet people started chatting with us. Seriously, we were greeted by more people this morning BEFORE the traditional greeting time, than we have been in all other first time church visits combined! Score. These are some friendly, welcoming people! One of the most welcoming couples has only been there twice! Is that precious?
One guy said, "Are y'all new here or do you come here every week?" I love that! They have three Sunday morning services; I dig the fact that even though we may have been regular attendees, he didn't want to chance it. So, he asked. Yes! Take notes, Kids. If you go to a church with multiple services, or even if you don't, welcome everybody! Even the folks that are members.

Right away I noticed it was a casual atmosphere. Score. I admit, this isn't very 'Radical' of me, but I also noticed the theater-style seats. I liked it. I'm sorry, Dr. David Platt. I'm sorry, Francis Chan. I just liked them, okay!? Score for the seats. Ok, fine. Just half a point for great, comfy seats.

Then, the band got up on stage. They pulled out Hillsong's "Cornerstone". Whoa, Nellie. Goallll!!
 I was about to bust out my air-drums, but I figured that was at least a third visit behavior. What? Some people raise hands, don't judge if I want to play my air-drums.  Really, it was an amazing worship experience.
Also, I noticed the worship leader favors Michael Vartan from Alias. I think he did some other acting, too, but he is always Mountaineer to me. This resemblance to a CIA counter-intelligence agent did not distract me from my praise, by the way. That may be incomprehensible for my non-spastic readers to believe, but I was focused on Jesus the whole time. :) By the way, I wanted to post some pics of Michael Vartan, but they didn't substantiate my claim, so I skipped it. I stand by it, still. Jared, I think is his name, will be forevermore known as Mountaineer.

Anyway, the pastor is in Uganda. Mission-minded. Score, again. Also, a team to an undisclosed location was headed out this afternoon. Amazing.
Jason Hatch, the College Pastor (Yay! for College Ministry!) brought the Word since the pastor was out.

So, this dude, Jason, got up and straight up began his message with, "Remember when your parents gave you 'The Talk'?"

It was over.
Score 77 times.
He had me at 'The Talk'.

Here's the scene: Matthew 16:13-18. Jesus has his disciples gathered together and he is about to give them an important talk. Just like many of your parents, Jesus took them away for this talk.

But, Jesus's talk with the disciples was not about sex. Probably because Jesus isn't Melissa. Jay-Kay! Settle down. While I am a believer in having 'The Talk' with your children early and often, Jesus's message was much more important and foundational.

Here are my notes, but it wouldn't kill ya to go online and listen to the message.

Listen, Jason, if you ever read this, Thank you. You delivered a message from God's Word as if you love it. If I know anything about the Millennial Generation/ College students it is that they can track insincerity better than any hound. Thank you for preparing relevant, exegetical message with passion. I dig it and I know Jesus does, too.

Matthew 16:13-18

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”

They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.

  

Jesus's Church

The Church has an origin. Church was God's idea. Not Peter's. Make no mistake, Peter was awesome. He is my favorite disciple, cause he and I would rather do the wrong thing than do no thing. But, Peter was not Jesus.
The Church has a foundation. Peter will be used to build the church, but Jesus is the foundation. See Psalm 118 and Acts 4.
The Church has a promise. '...upon the rock I WILL build my church.' Jesus went from 12 to 2.5 billion and the Church is still growing.
The Church has a leader. '...upon the rock I will build MY church.' The Church has been bought with a price.
<This is about the time I leaned over to Spouse and said, "We aren't going to visit other churches are we?" "No."  We have a list of churches we want to visit while we are here. Ay, the rub! Now we already like this one! Bless us.>
The Church has an identity. His people. "Big C Church" is the Body of Christ. "Little C Church" is the local church. He mentioned that college students wanting to be a part of the Big C, but not the Little C. It doesn't work that way. Acts was about the Big C Church scattering and planting Little C Churches.
<Note to Jason: I will be using this Big C, Little C thing. I love it. This is me giving you credit.>
The Church has a mission. Our mission is to offensively attack the gates of hell. We can't play defense. We are to GO to the dark places. This business about getting people to come to us and into our buildings is not GOing into the dark places. A to the Men! This is where he got pretty passionate and I was about to jump up out of my seat. Just keepin' it real, Y'all.
The Church has an enemy. Satan hates the Big and Little C Church.
     How will he attack?

• The enemy will divide. Insert great analogy here: When a lion attacks antelope, she (we all know that the female lions do the hunting!) will separate one antelope from the herd. Perfect picture. 
• The enemy will distract. If he can't divide the church and get some infighting going on, he will distract us. Often times with 'good' programs and events. If our attention is diverted to programs, we can think we are doing good, but we aren't finding darkness! I've heard a few times lately that "Good is often times the enemy of best". Now, that isn't in the Bible, but it is straight up truth!
• The enemy will dilute. He will use this Seeker-Sensitive movement to water down the message.
• The enemy will attack. He will take out a shepherd. It is very strategic. If Satan can take out some key leaders, he can destroy a church. Pray for leaders and pastors. 

The Church has a victory. Can I get a 'V for Victory'?? The gates of hell will NOT prevail. Be a part of a winning team!

What will you do?
Join. Join the fight. Pick up a sword.
Serve. "If Jesus Christ, the very dude who build this church can serve, we can serve." He said 'dude'. 
Belong. The church is not a perfect family, but it's still a family. It has the crazy uncle. This guy started using family references and I about fell out. 'Cause guess what? When you're here, you're family.We might just be the reason that there is some fun in dysfunctional. 

"If you look around your family reunion, 

and you can't find the crazy uncle, chances are, 

you may BE the crazy uncle."

  
Oh, my word! Just thinking about our church family in PC, I can tell you who the 'crazy uncle' is. His name is Dee and I adore him.  I know who the cutesy little kids at the kid table are. I guess I am the family member who always says inappropriateness. Or maybe Betsy. Spouse is the one everybody actually pays attention to. Or maybe B Fearnow. I know who is practical, an academic, a party planner, a worrier, a warrior, a thinker, a dreamer, a doer, a fighter. I love knowing who the family is at Plant City's First. I love knowing the roles we have fallen into. Of course they may change, but this is who we are now. And, it works.


Love a Little C church that does Big C work. 
 
P.S. If you were keeping score, the total was 81 and a half for the win.