Thursday, January 31, 2013

Highs / Lows

Anybody have highs and lows over the same situation again and again?
Is this just a girl thing? Is this stereotypical girl indecisiveness?
Is it satanic distraction?
Is it just that some decisions are so monumentally life changing we don't know if it is a high or a low?

Bless.

This is where I find myself. Too much.
You can find my highs on Instagram or Twitter.
The lows can be found in one of two places: on this blog (cause I'm committed to being real) or in my silence (cause I just can't even put it into words).

Been separated from my people for right at 11 months now. Been settling in with new people for about 4. Some days that 7 month gap is an inescapable canyon. With a pendulum that swings over the width of the canyon as often as daily.
One day I can be completely settled in to our new little life, sure that God is working on us and through us. He is blessing us with people who love him and who love on us.

I am building a gaggle of 20-somethings that I am looking forward to hosting on Super Bowl Sunday. (It's a Not-Necessarily-a-Super-Bowl-Party. Be jealous.) We are already sharing some life experiences and praying together and there is some relationship building taking place. So Sunday, I plan on luring them in to unabashed love with us through Buffalo Chicken Dip.

We are plugging in to stuff. The Sisters are competing in Bees (Geography and Spelling) and making a good showing, playing tennis, soccer, volleyball, we are plugged in to our homeschool co-op (I'm teaching Bootcamp) and my word, church.
Our church is full of Lovelies. We are making friends and have a little teaching gig right now, so that's grand. We are sitting under fantastic teaching & preaching, so that is priceless. One new homeschool momma friend I made hasn't accepted my invite yet, but tells me she is impressed by how excited I am about my church.  I'll take that as a win that just hasn't happened yet.

See? It's happening. We're doing the thing.

Then...
The next day, or maybe the same day, I am in pain over missing my people. They are going through their own highs and lows and I want to be there with them! Since March 2012, we have gone back to Florida for a funeral and two weddings and missed three funerals. We have missed trips, Christmas, birthdays, breakfasts, complaints about teachers & fellow students, Bible study lightbulb moments, and a lot of barbecue!

We even missed this last night:
video
I have no words for that fantasticness! 
I love me some college students and these are two of my favorites on the planet!

I have a good friend who right this very second is coveting prayers for her precious 7 year old daughter and trusting Jesus in the most real way a momma can. I'm sick about not being there. Sick.

I mean ugly cry sick. I had a low.
I got a smidge on the bitter side. It went a little like this: I mean, Lord, you said to Go and make disciples! Well guess what? I was making disciples right there in Plant City! I'm not being prideful, but I'm just sayin'! For real. We were teaching and sharing our home and our stuff all Acts-style!

OK, maybe it sounded exactly like that.

Through a study, I'm reading through Paul's 1st letter to the Thessalonian Church right now and I'm telling you, I could have wrote his words! Now, I haven't suffered like Paul, for sure. I do feel his heartache, though. He loved those people. He lived life with them, discipled them and left them. Boom. Listen, there are things that we jack up in this house fairly regularly, but we know how to invest in people. I know how to share in my people's burdens. I call it holy-codependency-without-the-manipulation-part, catchy right?

But, Jesus.
Jesus is King.
He left his people, too.

<Insert pendulum swing here.>

So, this can happen several times a week for me as we transition in to making a home here, complete with new people.

What are your highs and lows?
Job?
Major?
School choice?
Living situation?
Family life?

Here's what I'm choosing. I'm going to be present. Even in my ugly, I'm going to do it here. Jesus was fully present where ever he was walking and I will be, too. I'm going all in: sweet tea, piles of laundry, homeschool shenanigans, messy pantry, unsolicited Spouseisms, a little hilarity and Jesus.

I'm going to stop second-guessing our decision and go with it. It's not that hard to please God. I keep wondering if we did the right thing and you know? With all that we are doing we are loving him so I know he is pleased.

I'm in.
Here.

 As for me, I will always have hope, 
and I will praise you more and more. Psalm 71:14

It's a matter of staying out of my own head and giving Jesus the mic. Anybody?
What truth does he tell you when you give him the mic?

2 comments:

  1. Some of these were words right out of my mind. #truth Let's chat soon!

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  2. Can't see to type, because my eys are leaking... LOVE you! You are such a Blessing! I guess sometimes "fighting the Good fight" can mean fighting the urge to get on a plane and go home!! You are a Fighter!!

    ReplyDelete