Here's Part 3 of 4!
We've been talking about The Talk for a few weeks. You can catch up on Part 1 and Part 2, if you need to.
Talk Goals - When I was a traveling relationship educator (read: sex ed teacher), I was shocked at how many students had no clue how to set goals. We need to teach our children to keep their eyes on the prize! We need to use opportunities to teach them about delayed gratification. We can't always get what we want when we want it. This is completely contrary to the "Click Now" mentality our kids are saturated with! Allow your child the satisfaction of saving money for a new game, even if you can and want to buy it for them. Wait for things to go on sale. When you have to wait for something, talk about how great it is to have a fun experience after having to wait for a while.
Once these goals are set, it really will help you in many areas. For instance, your son sets a goal of lettering in high school basketball. Wonderful! In order to do that, grades will need to be just so, practices and conditioning will have to be priority, as well as other team responsibilities.
This is usually a good time to discuss things that can derail your goals: an unintended pregnancy, a DUI, major distraction that causes grades to drop, etc. You get the idea. Then, when the question comes up about entering into 'relationship' with a girl, you revert back to the goals. Does being in a dating relationship help you achieve the goal of lettering in basketball? Let's talk about it. Often, he will talk himself right into the friend-zone. Boom.
Talk Consequences- Let's get the physical stuff out of the way, since that is the focus of the proponents of a Comprehensive Sex Ed approach, i.e. the abortion biz folks over at Planned Parenthood.
So often, the only worrisome consequence of premarital sex is pregnancy. We have to teach our teens that pregnancy is NOT the worst thing that could happen. A baby is not a punishment!
Depending on your teen, head on over to the CDC website, and see for yourself. If you are really brave, Google "gonorrhea" or "syphilis". (Graphic. Sad. Reality.) They can handle it.
Discuss real consequences. Don't wait for high school health class. You do it first!
True story: A mom and I were discussing this and I suggested that she show her 14 year old daughter some of the CDC information and maybe some photos. Mom tells me that her daughter would be too squeamish and embarrassed to see the photos. My thought, "Wait. Didn't she watch Hunger Games?" That's a very violent, graphic movie! Hasn't this child seen PG-13 (possibly R) movies? We make concessions in the name of entertainment, and then get all concerned about damaging their innocent little eyes about the truth!? Honestly.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the movie. Don't hear that. My point is that this concern just doesn't jive.
Physical consequences aside, share your heart's desire for your child with your child. Dig into the emotional side. I often say to my girls, "Girls, I don't want what is good for you. I want what is best for you. God wants even better than that for you."
Waiting is always best. Always. There are emotional consequences attached to sex outside of marriage that no CDC photo can touch, emotional pain that no contraceptive or barrier can protect you from.
You know your kid. You know how she is wired. You know what is going to connect.
Trust yourself. Have the hard conversations.
Go for it.
Up next: All things Media. Media gets a post all on its own.
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