Tuesday, November 19, 2013

King-Sized Bed- Not Needed.


The last time my Spouse was out of town, my girls slept over with me in my room for maybe the fourth time ever.

Ever.

There are 4 beds in this house.
I ended up on the couch.
The likelihood of a fifth time is slim. I can't even deal.
I'm just not a co-sleeping parent.
I have respect for those who do. It's just never been my thing.
I have friends that are or were co-sleepers and they are great parents. 
Some even have very well-adjusted grown kids. *grinning* 

Remember, my goal is "World's Okayest Mom", so co-sleeping is not a requirement for that title.

Let's be clear: we are a snuggling family. We do well with the early morning snuggles in the bed and on the couch, and until they get to the point they think they are too big to snuggle, I'm in. Just not sleeping the whole night.

Co-sleeping is not good for us and I have the stats to prove it.

So, you're welcome in advance. Feel free to use these when necessary.

Here's why our kids sleep in their own beds:

Ribs. Co-sleeping increases your odds of cracked ribs by .01234%.
Listen. I've got work to do as a mom, I can't gamble with these odds.

Sleep Quality. Children sleep 123% better in the parents' bed, while the parents' sleep quality is decreased by 98.765%. You know it's true. Even a small one just can't argue with these numbers.

Future Generations. If there are always children in your bed, you can't use your bed in the way God intended. This effects your number of offspring, which effects the number of grandchildren you have. See? Co-sleeping could very well be the leading cause of what has been referred to as Demographic Winter.

 Stink. A child's body temperature is approximately 98.Eleventy┬║. They have the morning sweat to prove it.
Precious angel from heaven sweats +mom sweats+ dad sweats= stink.
First thing in the morning.
Nope.

Failure to Launch. Co-sleeping is a slippery slope, people. You let those little pillow-snatchers in your bed once, they'll prey on weakness every night at 2:48am for the rest of your natural born life. Then, when he's grown, he'll prey again. I read somewhere that .321% of adult children living at home were co-sleepers as babies.

Sacred Bed. Really. If you ask my girls at any time, "Why doesn't your mom let your sleep in her bed?" They will answer, without hesitation, "My daddy would let me, but mom says the marriage bed is sacred." And, then they'll likely add some smartie-tartie hilarity to go along with it. Whatever. They need to read up on their prescriptures.

So, there ya go. These are the facts.

Thoughts? Co-sleeping or not?

1 comment:

  1. With each kid we have let the last one sleep with us off an on for a bit. Audrey, she won't let go of it. Goodness, the baby is now 15 months and even she has moved on. Guess she's gonna be the problem child. :) Being that we are up to #5 I would say we have not had an issue with the Future Generation factor. I do love the Sacred Bed comment so I may use that one here shortly. :)

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