Monday, May 20, 2013

Juice Shenanigans & Ballyhoo.

For the love of Joe the Juice Man. I am cry laughing.
Shenanigans and Ballyhoo. That is what has gone on here this morning. Shenanigans and Ballyhoo.

Such a high level of shenanigans that I am typing this post on a PC that has reached the age hip replacement. The homeschoolers felt like their math took precedence over my post. Whatever.

I was late on making my juice for the day. As I got started, I was so bummed I hadn't done it earlier because it looked so pretty and earthy.

My grocery was out of fresh kale so I had to make do last night. Spouse and I bought 3 bags of this jazz. Never again. It was much more expensive than the fresh and was a dadgum hassle putting it in the juicer. Crumbling up all over the place. Falling out of the chute. My assistant juicer, Maddy, and I were dying laughing about how ridiculous it was. Meghan left the room cause cackling was disturbing her studies....

Then, one whole entire pound of kale produced this much juice:

 So ridiculous! All we could do was laugh. I had to juice all three pounds just to get a spittles worth of juice. This has tripled the amount of normal juice time, by the way.

My struggle with juicing is the waste of the pulp. I hate it. We don't have a garden or any way to compost and we end up with a lot of wasted pulp in the garbage disposal. Spouse doesn't like me putting it in the disposal, but I don't like it in the trash cause I don't want stink.

Then, this:

The last freakin bag of horrid bagged kale. Clogging up the disposal and just sitting in my sink mocking me. You got a spittles worth of juice out of me and now I shall clog your drain! 

I'm running around the house like Sweet Brown, "Lord Jesus it's a clawg! Where's the plunger?!" Then, naturally, this is a semi-emergency so I nearly peed my pants. I was dying. It's what I do. Some people ugly-cry. I pee-laugh. Who am I kidding? I do both.

So to screw it all, I left it. The plunger didn't work.  I hit the reset button on the disposal and all that jazz. I scooped out what I could and put it in the trash. I vacuumed the floor of kale bits and left it just like this:

 I took my juice and grabbed this decrepit computer and gave you shenanigans and ballyhoo.

You may return to your own shenanigans. May you be free of the ballyhoo today.

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