5 Things Homeschoolers Do That Are Not Awesome

I love, love, love the homeschooling community. Love it. These are some of the most inclusive bunch of independents you'll ever meet. Most of us love to include newbies and prospectives in our lives and convince them "You can do it! But only if you want to!" And it will look different than any other homeschool.
"You can!" is our motto. Patience is not a prerequisite! Someone say, "Amen!" Right now. Say it!

Also, homeschoolers, by and large, have a bit of a rebellious streak, a quality you need in order to go against the grain and I dig that junk. It takes guts to do life differently than the norm. Again. I dig that in people. A lot of homeschoolers parent well, too. They aren't perfect, but they are doing the hard stuff and that's worth something in my book. I'm not talking about parenting the way I do. I mean parenting their way, well.
People takin' Deuteronomy 6 seriously? I'm all about it.

But, let me tell you something. There are some thangs about my own kind that are just not awesome. And, I'm man enough to look inward and call us out on the screen for it! (It's a short list; most of what homeschoolers do is on the pro-awesome list.)

~Unschooling.
I'm just gonna come on out with a bang here. Fire the cannons. I know my deal is that I just don't understand it, but I just don't understand it! I am a pretty relaxed homeschooler. As in, our schedule is quite flexible. Hellerr!? Homeschool perk. But, I just can't go lettin' these yayhoos direct their learnin'! (Ya like that? Stellar writing.) They would direct their learning to Netflix! Now, when they were little, we were more flexible with this, for sure. They got all into horses, we did a unit study on horses. But, I still directed the process. I guess that was unschooling, but as they get older and college preparatory material, we've got to cover some historical facts that they would never "direct" themselves to. No on the unschooling here. Yes, on the relax.

Frankie says "Relax. Don't do it."
You clicked the link, didn't you?

~Not telling the ugly truth.
I've said before, I have made it my goal to put it out there. The good, the bad, & the ugly of homeschooling. Yes, homeschooling has been great for our family, and I'm grateful for it. Most days. But, I'm not going to paint this serene picture of peace-filled schooling every day for five years now. There have been more than a few days when I would've let these students be schooled by the Manson family. I don't believe that has one thing to do with homeschooling. That is a result of a houseful of sinners living under the same roof. (Church word alert: Sinners- those who are born selfish, temperamental, prideful, mouthy, prone to anger, & otherwise jacked up. Ex., your writer.)
That said, it gets more and more peaceful the longer we do it and the girls get older. The early days years? Yah. I quit every month.

I just think this is hilarious. Plus, are his glasses the cutest?!

~DEFENSE! DEFENSE!
Why are we so defensive about homeschooling? People are curious about homeschooling as a lifestyle. There are still folks (in Texas, no less) that aren't even sure homeschooling is legal! I have straight up seen with my very own corrected eyes mommas get a total panty wad over someone asking genuine questions about homeschooling. "How do they take the STAAR test?" is not the same as asking, "Is your kid too stupid for public school?" Be gracious. Good Lord, just like people. Come to think of it, this probably isn't a homeschool thing. Just a personality issue. These are probably the same people that complain about food and service and restaurants all the time. GAH! I can't deal.

Moving on...

~"Oh, Alexander Graham would be in 7th grade, but he's really a junior in high school." Listen. Listen. Listen, Linda. (I crack myself up.) I know, as homeschoolers, we tend to be a little non-conformist. I love it. But, when you sign Alexander Graham up for co-op or Sunday School or whatever, if he is the age of a 7th grader, he's in 7th grade. Tell him to humble himself and answer truthfully when someone asks him what grade he is in: 7th grade. Unless he's Doogie freakin' Houser and has a degree to prove it, he can hang with the peasants his own age every now and again. Also, if you or Doogie are always having to tell people how smart, mature, gifted, gag he is, he probably isn't as gag as you think. If he is, in fact, as wicked smaht (#BostonStrong) and mature as y'all think, the rest of us are smart enough to figure it out and make adjustments accordingly. Let other people notice the mature prodigy you are raising and offer to "promote", if that's even the right word.

POTUS or Doogie. Either will work. :)

~Being apathetic to current events, news, even some pop culture & trends.
I'm all for not assimilating to the culture. I get standing apart and all that biblical language. But to brag about not knowing about world events is just...Jerky McGavin. You shouldn't brag about not knowing about special elections or current news, you should apologize for it. I've had to do it. "Oh, goodness. I have not heard anything about that. I have been so self involved lately that I haven't seen or read a bit of news. What is going on with that?" Also, I have to chuckle when someone who uses social media (!!) claims not to know Harry Connick, Jr. is a judge on American Idol. Shut it. I'm calling Bull Honky. I get that you are trying to avoid all things "idol" cause it's a Commandment and all, but do not think for a split second that I believe you use Facebook and didn't know that jazz. See what I did there?

Anyway. That's it. If I say any more things that get on my nerves I'll be talking about the junk that goes on just outside this bedroom door. Ha! Like none of these goes on in this house!? Psshaw.

What about your own kind gets your goat?

Straight Talk About The Talk- Part 1

Today, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of parents at my church about talking to their kids about their sexual purity. Naturally, it led to the updating and reposting of this blog from last summer. In true Melissa fashion, I added a lot, leading me to break it up into installments. It looks like there will be 4. Unless I add more. :)

In the least self-promoting way, because I believe in the message, I hope these become the most shared posts of all the Spouseisms posts.
Preparing our kids for a fulfilling, monogamous marriage is the ultimate Spouseism. :)

______________________________________________________________

Parents, Pre-Parents, Educators,

Let's talk about sex. :) (My blog hits just went from 5 to 10 just like that!)

It's time for a little straight talk about The Talk. 

It has to be done. And, as the 'Rents, you are the ones to do it. This business of expecting the I promise, there is no need to worry yourself to the point of hives, nor is there cause to bury your head in the proverbial sand! You can do this! There is, however, cause for you to take seriously the need to talk early and talk often with your kids about sex and the importance of saving all sexual activity until marriage.

Talk to God - Pray. Pray for your child's purity. Pray for what your child is exposed to outside of your presence. Pray that those you entrust with your kids would protect them from exposure to harmful media images. Pray that he would be blind to images that are preying on him. Pray for your child to see herself the way God sees her, a precious gift, purposed in this world to change the world. Pray for your child's future spouse. A really smart momma told me that she always prayed that her children's hearts would be asleep until God had the person to wake it up. Is that precious?!
Pray for these things with your child/teen. 

Bonus: It changes your relationship. Really. They see into your heart and truly believe that you don't want what's good for them, you want what God has for them.

Talk Early - With the Littles, use correct anatomical terms. Penis and vagina are not dirty words. Honestly, it's cute to hear a toddler say vagina. Mine said "sagina" and it was the best! You need to be comfortable saying these words and so do your children.
I explained it to my girls this way: pee-pee/penis or pee-pee/vagina are similar to sofa and couch. They mean the same thing. I gave several examples: chair/recliner, bike/bicycle...you get the idea. Children are not squeamish about saying a word like 'vagina' until they learn to be. Really, it's not a big deal--head, shoulders, knees, toes, penis. It's all about learning their 2000 'fearfully and wonderfully made' parts!

Talk Often - Talking about sex with your child is not a one-time deal. Use teachable moments. Media gives us plenty! Here's the deal, your kids WILL get a sex education. They can get it from NBC, government school, a Kardashian (Lord forbid it), the cool cousin, church, or YOU. I can not say this to enough Mommas: The first person to talk to your child about sex is the expert--Be the expert! 

I'm not saying oversaturate your kid with inappropriate sexual conversation, I'm just saying don't let the moments pass you by and don't wait for some special dinner. Just be casual. Never let 'em see you sweat.
You end up repeating some things and that's okay. Each time, new areas of conversation will come up. And, more details will come up. Don't wait for them to ask questions. By the time the questions come, they've been brewing. Stay ahead of 'em if you can.

I'd love to hear your stories and ideas. Let's help each other out here!
Do you use correct anatomical words in your house? Is this a subject area that causes you angst?

Upcoming Installments: Talk Privacy, Purity, Marriage, Goals, Consequences, Media. :)

Lovers, Haters, & the Perfect Life of Social Media.

This. This is garbage:

Listen. Post your workout. Post that it was a good one. I'm genuinely happy for you! When I'm in a funk, your dedication helps me. When you start a new program or start from scratch, I am encouraged. I will cheer with you and for you.
If you fall off the treadmill and smack your face, please, please for the love of Richard Simmons, post a dadgum Instacollage. I will respond with the pic of me and my wet pants.
[The link is for my baby readers. You're welcome.]

Perfect Life.
A few days ago, Shauna Nequist  posted a blog for Relevant Magazine, "Stop Instagramming Your Perfect Life."

In her post, she spoke about the dangers of social media to make us feel "less than". I get this. It's a thing. I don't want to post any picture or tweet or update that is going to make anyone feel like a loser. Here's the deal, I can't always control what makes you feel like a loser. Nor can you control if I'm having a slow day and can't handle that you just worked out, got groceries, wrote a paper for your Master's class, folded laundry and helped your kid's teacher all by 9am! Listen. On my best day, I will not do all that by 9! But, if you can and I can't be happy for you, well, that's on me!

And, sometimes it is on me. There are times that seeing my people do all these amazing things can start to make me feel loserish or homesick or question my calling. I have to check that with me and Jesus.

For example, I was going through a bit of a homesick season a few months ago. I took a six-week FB break and it helped. Seeing all the awesome things my friends were doing without me was making me sad. I was having a hard time being present. Well, that's not my friends' faults. They are just living. I had to make an adjustment.

Another time a friend and I commented on the same post on Facebook. Her comment made the point to say something to the effect of 'This is why I do better when I work outside of home. I feel like I make more of an impact on the world now than I did when I was at home.' This statement came at a time when I was really questioning my adequacy as a homeschooler and questioning my calling and I was emotional. (This is, like, every month.) I was ready to respond with how much of an impact it makes on my family and the future Kingdom of God that I am preparing these girls of mine for battle in this world. I didn't.
She wasn't talking about me. She was talking about her. I had to check that.

Listen. I understand that if your only social network is an online social network, you might think that everyone else is always beachin' it up or busting up some brothels or getting on another plane or getting married.

You know it's not true. That's not ALL your people and that's not ALL they're doing. One of the points that the author says is that "everyone's life looks better on social media". Well, yah. What do you want to see? My pile of laundry?

Fine. 

<True story: A few summers ago, we were evidently having a lot of good times on the old FB. One particular day, though, Spouse and I had had discussion about how much he had been working lately. Later that night, discussion subsided, we were with a friend who was commenting on how much fun we'd been having, according to the pictures he had been posting. She said, "Mark, do you ever work?" We about fell out. Too funny. Perspective, Kids. Perspective.>

Just do this exercise: When someone posts a pic of her trip, already KNOW that there is going to be a mess of suitcases and laundry when she returns, whether you see the picture or not.

Same for the gym: If you see my update about my workout. Don't hate. Imagine my smell.
It's not perfect. That'll help you.
Good grief.

The Haters.
The haters, they aren't ever gonna be happy. They are mad if you post your workouts, too many political posts, your meals, too many Jesus posts, too many soapbox posts, etc. You know. They are just gonna have something to say. And, I don't even mean these little memes. I mean, even the garbage one above makes me snicker. I don't have to agree with it for it to be funny.

How about these:
"I hate my life."
"I can't deal with people."
"I am so sick of _____."
Constantly!
That's what really bugs me. The downers and the foul people. Bless.
No joke, one time I saw one of these downer types post about his annoyance at other people being negative all the time! Spouse and I were cackling at the irony!

The Lovers.
I love the people.
The people in front of me and the ones on the screen.
My Facebook friends and Tweeps and Instagram followers are my people.
When my people's kids do well on their report cards, I love to rejoice with them!
When your kid makes a good showing in the steer competition or baseball game, post that stuff if you want to!
When your teenager stops thinking of herself for a split second and shows a glimmer of what you've been teaching her for 14 years, I will 'like' that, too!
When your 2 year old comes to show you-literally- that she pooped in the potty, dang. I'll be proud and sorry for you.
The hilarity that your kids come up with, post it, if you want to.
If your purpose for the social networking is to promote a cause close to you, rock on! I can hide you if it bugs me, but I ain't mad, Bro!

Let us consider how we may spur one another 

toward love and good deeds... Hebrews 10:24

Bottom line:
Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, they are all like the virtual fridge.
If you feel like it, share your life.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
We already know it's not perfect.