The F Word.

Photo Cred: My Spouse. 

While watching a movie, I heard a word that caused me to cringe and look at my girls. You know. I wanted to see if they'd heard the word.
They did.
And they know how I feel about it.

"What did he say?", I asked.
"Nothing.", the Little Sister responded.
"What did he say?"
"The F word."
"What was it? Why won't you say it?" I was grinning. I knew she wouldn't say it.
She struggles with it a little bit.
If I'm honest, I do, too. I struggle with the thought of it paralyzing my girls.
But, we pray against it.

The quote?

"Fear will be your enemy."

-Pabble in Disney's Frozen.

The F word: Fear.
Fear, specifically being frozen by it,  is a major theme of that movie.

I don't know if "fear will be your enemy" but it is certainly of your enemy.
Fear is also a major theme of many of our lives.
I see too many people living in fear and they don't even know it.

Honestly, we don't have to look far to find something to fear:

Heights
The ocean
Spiders
Dogs
Snakes
Driving in the rain
Driving on the interstate
Flying

Then there are those social fears, the ones on another level:

Change
Isolation
Missing out
Our kids getting hurt
Not measuring up
What other people think
Not being enough
Embarrassment
Our kids failing
Our kids hating us

I'm pretty sure I have a fear of my kids having a fear.
Is there a name for that? I want to feel justified in this one, though?
Is that allowed?

Here's why I'm justified:
Fear is contagious.
Parents, we can pass that junk right on to our kids.
We have to get that.
We can pass our fear of snakes on to our kids.
We can pass our fear of dogs on to our kids.
We can pass fear of embarrassment on to our kids.

If we aren't guarding against it, we can leave an eye color, a few quirks, and a heritage of fear.

Listen. For a while, I had this thing about horses. I could reason through it, it hadn't reached the irrational point, but I was so super nervous around horses. I just knew I was going to be kicked. I'd not had an episode that I know of or anything like that. I just had this fear I was going to get kicked square in the ribs by a horse. So, ya know what I did? I put my girls in horse lessons. I had to sit in the car for the grooming & care part of the lesson, because Meghan would get right up in a horse's private business. Wrecked my nerves. I couldn't be in the barn with my child nose to business-end of that 1500 pound animal. I had to sit in the car. One time, I happened to be in the barn while a horse was on the cross-ties and reared back and came down full-force on Maddy's 7 year-old foot, then kicked her instructor in the head. No joke.
After knowing Maddy and teacher were okay, I told them,
"I have to go now or I'm going to snatch my kids out of here and never come back."
And, for whatever reason, that was the end of it.
Victory in Jesus.
I've since been nose to business-end of a horse and been just fine-- after a shower. Because gross. We've gone on many rides as a family and I'm totally good. Win.

<<Side story that is so true and indicative of my exponential crazy level: When my girls were little, I wouldn't let them watch Veggie Tales: Where's God When I'm Scared?. I swear to Cher. They had never been afraid of the dark?! I didn't want them to get it in their heads that was even a thing! End of crazy-but-true story.>>

That being said, where other people would never have a second thought about their kids on a horse, I've never had a second thought about my kids and the water. I die a little when I see "big kids"- whatever that even means- wearing flotation devices in the pool. Or when I hear people talk to a child under 36 inches about not going to the "deep end". Good grief! At that size, it's all the deep end! I don't think a thing about my girls on the paddle boards or scuba diving or snorkeling. Meghan got to see her first shark on her check out dive when she finished her scuba certification! It was the coolest!

This week, we made a major decision to allow Meghan to come back to homeschooling after beginning the year at a local (wonderful) Christian high school. She had enough school to know that home's cool. Heh. She was succeeding in all the ways, academically and otherwise. She lettered in Varsity Swim. Still, she was able to recognize how efficient she could be at home, leaving her free to pursue her interests. Once she made the final decision, she was steadfast. She owned it, telling her little friends, some of her teachers and administration. She never wavered. Fearless. And, I don't fear for her future. God's got her back more than I do. And His is the power in her. She's gonna be alright. She's gonna be more than alright. Victorious.


If fear is allowed to grow, we could live defeated.
Paralyzed.
Frozen.

We would still be loved and cherished.

Loved and cherished and defeated.
Loved and cherished and paralyzed.
Loved and cherished and frozen.

Let's not do that.

I'm going for 
loved and cherished and victorious.

Another Spouse photo.

**This is an updated post.**

En Vogue and Homecoming Proposals

It's Homecoming Season for high schools and colleges across America.

I loved Homecoming as a high schooler. I think I went to one dance with a group of friends and then all the rest were with Spouse and our crew. I don't remember a whole lot about them. I imagine there was plenty of En Vogue and Snap! and, Lord help us, Billy Ray Cyrus to burn a calorie or seven we didn't need to burn.
Go ahead, take a dance break. Free your mind. The rest will follow.
Also, I know every single word to that song and don't remember it being so racial! Ha!

Anyway, I've always loved homecoming and dances.
After Meghan was born, Spouse & I took our first date night to chaperone the 8th grade dance at the school I had been working as a substitute teacher. That crew still remains to be my favorite graduating class and to this day I am distraught I can't find the video of all of them singing "Something Like That". (Their 10 Year Reunion is this weekend and I'm dying.)
In 2008, while working for a non-profit focused on promoting healthy lifestyles for teens by delaying sexual activity, my super friend and I chaperoned the high school homecoming dance and ended up being invited by 25+ students to go to dinner with them and take photos.

Really. 

Is this the cutest bunch you have ever even seen?
Look here. I'm not saying we were celebrities or anything,
but our cheeks hurt from all the paparazzi. I kid.

Yes. We did this. Truly. You have to know that to pull this off,
we had a fantastic relationship with the school
and the students and were welcomed.
It was truly the favor of the Lord.

Just for fun, I had to include these.
These two couples are married now. Good gracious.

All that to say that I have always loved the HoCo Season.
Until.

Until my child is now in high school and there is
homecoming and dresses (she doesn't love dresses)
and hair (she wears her hair down or pony only)
and plans (um, who's in charge here)
and boys (and a dad, let's not forget).

But, that's not what gives me pause for Homecoming.
She's going with a good friend and she'll rock a cutesy dress.
I'll have someone else do her hair and she won't argue and she will love it.

I've seen this trend building for the last few years and it makes me concerned for our young men! Listen. There are so many areas in which I support raising the standard for young men.
We need to see more young men with a strong work ethic, ambition, and integrity.
Yes, let's raise the standard! (Moms of girls, who's with me?!)

This, though, just makes me nervous for these boys!
I blame the Pinterest.

Who's smellin' what I'm steppin' in?

It's the Homecoming Proposals. 

Granted, some of these are just so cute. Whoever did the first maybe 1,000 of these personalized proposals were probably thoughtful, romantic little pioneers and I want to hear all the cool stories! Of course, these aren't just limited to Homecoming, so let's hear them.

But, beyond that, I'd like some thoughtful dialogue about it because here's what I see:

A product of the "text generation". 
Is this further reducing the amount of real voice to voice communication for young people?
There is something to be said for the actual nerves and sick stomach that come with looking
 someone in her eyes and using words from your mouth
and asking her for a date or a seat or help with homework problem 13.

More pressure.
As if that's not enough pressure, this could add to it.
It takes so much for a guy to ask a girl out. They are risking a hard blow to the gut.
For these guys to have to get artsy and creative and make a sign for social media's sake is just too much. People will know you are friends (recommended) or dating because you will show up at the dance together. There will be pictures then. Does it all have to be a dadgum production?

The moms are doing it for them. 
I know this is true at least some times. The moms are doing the Googling ideas and buying poster board and stencils and candy and bears. Now, I love it when a young man goes to his mom for help with sort of thing. It's sweet. It shows he knows he's out of his pay grade and he needs an expert. Sure, go help him gather supplies. I'm talking about the helicopter mom who's orchestrating the whole thing and driving the Sharpies. He needs to drive the Sharpies, Mom. Or at the very least enlist a good artsy friend to help him out.

Y'all, we haven't even gotten into the Homecoming Mums in Texas.
That was an education. Hashtag Texas Forever.

I know Anne Shirley wasn't talking about Homecoming when she said,
"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers."
but this is just fun.
It just doesn't have to be so much everything to be fun.

Back to School Countdown: 9 Days to 9th Grade.

This back to school season has been especially big around here. 

Our little homeschool is in a MAJOR transition.

In fact, we are planning to have our official homeschool door open only two days a week this year. The Little Sister is going to a homeschool/hybrid school three days a week and The Big Sister at high school. If someone would have told me last year that I would barely be considered a homeschooler this year, I would've spit Diet Coke.

Still, it happened. The Big Sister started her first day of high school today! I am so excited for her! Just like kindergarten, she walked right on in with confidence, even though I know she was a little nervous. Who wouldn't be!?

Different than kindergarten, though, she didn't tell me, "Mom, you're talking too long." Ha! True dadgum story. I only had a quick second in the drop off line today, though. 

Anyway, like I said in my last post- SUNDAY, cause I'm all feast or famine on this blog- 

this is our first First Day in seven years. 

This means it's a Big Dog Deal! 

Traditionally, we don't do traditions well in this house. We aren't big on doing much on a repeat. Not for any reason other than spazzy parenting. I'm not a Pinterest Mom or the mom who makes a celebration of things. I mean, we are good for an ice cream to celebrate or "Hey! Let's make cookies!" 

But, this is a really big deal, and I wanted to commemorate it for her. 

So I got this idea for a "9 Days Before 9th Grade Countdown". 

First Day of High School.
I made her take her pic at the boat dock.

Here's what you have to know about me: I'm pretty ENFJ/ENFP. Translation: I love my people. I love the idea of doing super cool things for them. I have the troubles when it comes to the execution. I mean, really. I'm an idea person. Big picture. Not so much on the details. 

So, I lowered the bar. 

Melissa go unda the limbo stick. 

For real. Like crawled.

There's this other thing: I like to make gifts out of things we would normally buy. Parents miss out opportunities to cultivate gratitude by not getting "credit" for certain purchases. It also makes the purchase of school supplies a little more pleasant and it becomes a gift! 

Anyway, I did this Countdown and I'm posting it here for you, Reader With Bad Handwriting; for you, Mom Who Doesn't Know What Mod Podge Is; and for you, The Budget-Conscious-Gift-Giver.

This is for the "blogger" (I use this term loosely when talking about myself) who doesn't know how to set up dramatic, pinnable photos. 

The Pinterest-Challenged Mom who loves her kid. That's who this is for. 

I'm here to show you how it doesn't have to be perfect to be meaningful and appreciated! It really doesn't!

Here's the Countdown. 

Nine Days Before Ninth Grade:

9. Warrior Princess embroidered pocket-tee.  

Note:

"Daughter of the King= Princess

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! 

And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1"

This is a pinnable photo if I ever saw one!

The blurred out part is the name of the school. My friend over at Sew Dazzlin' Designs made this custom tee. I just love it and so does the Big Sister. I have to confess to you: I got a little prideful about this purchase. I ordered it like three weeks ahead of time like a responsible grown up. Shut up, YES, I DID! It was sitting in the packaging box for about two weeks before this little fun thing started! Unprecedented!

I can be a PREcrastinator! Obviously.

This is the picture of my whole table with spilled salt on it.
Slightly less pinnable than the photo above.

8. School supplies. 

Note:

"Best School Supply Wisdom:

'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.' Proverbs 3:5-6 

You may forget what goes on these pages, but never forget these words: Trust the Lord!"

You'll notice that I used the same gift bag for 9 straight days.

7. Tide Pen.

Note:

"Sister, You will make mistakes. But your mistakes won't break you. 

Here's a Tide Pen for some of them...for all others, there's Jesus...and your mom."

Tide Pens are all the rage for high school. You can Google it.

This is not even a sponsored post. Ha.

Also, this is probably the truest of all the notes. 

Mistakes are inevitable. Amen?!

6. Warrior Shirts (Uniform requirement.)

Note:

"'The Lord is with you, Mighty Warrior.' Judges 6:12

An angel delivered these words to Gideon 

and I am delivering these words to you. 

You ARE a Warrior Princess! And the Lord is definitely with you!"

I'm a photographer, but you probably can't afford me.

5. #DoWork: A few more supplies

Note:

"You are such a diligent student! I am so proud of the hard worker you are!

'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.'  Colossians 3:23-24
Also, some sweet friends got in on some of the note-writing.

4. Taste.

The one when I'm obviously not a Bible Scholar.

Note:

"'Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.' Psalm 34:8

This is totally out of context & has nothing to do with lunch! But enjoy it! Ha!"

I'm not even sure if this is funny or pathetical. (I made that up.)

But, I got her this lunch box with a bird on it. 

So I still consider that a major win. (I don't love the birds.)

3. Beauty Supplies

Note:

"'Let the King be enthralled by your beauty honor him, 

for he is your Lord.' Psalm 45:10

You are beautiful and He is your Lord."

This is not up for discussion.

Listen, I'm not pushing these extraordinary standards on my girls, 

but we like our special hair products and mascara.  

2. A Little Chocolate Goodness to Think About...

Yah. I had a moment. Sorry to the coaches.

Note:

"'Whatever is true, 

whatever is noble, 

whatever is right, 

whatever is pure, 

whatever is lovely, 

whatever is admirable- 

if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- 

think about such things.' Philippians 4:8"

I think chocolate is all those things, yes? 

Hashtag theology. Hashtag hermeneutics.

Protein bars & Butterfingers. We diversify.

1. The Last Day Before 9th Grade.

Word.

Note:

"I pray you love Jesus and His Word.

'In the beginning was the Word 

and the Word was with God 

and the Word was God.' John 1:1"

Do you know how hard it is to get a Bible to stand up vertically?
Just curious.

This was really so easy and doable. 

It's true because I did it. 

Bottom line is I wanted to do two things: 

Get "credit" for buying school supplies -I'm not really sure what this says about me- 

and make a fuss over her first First Day in a long time. 

We won't be doing this each year, I can assure you! 

Ha!

Update: 

Her first day was just grand and she said, "I felt like I had always been there."

It felt familiar to her. Love that. 

That's the Body of Christ becoming more evident to her. 

The 7th Grader will get one, too, but she doesn't start school for a couple of weeks. 

Do you do anything special for "Back to School"?

Rainy Days and Littles

This is right now.

Central Florida is on about day 8 (or 100, what's the difference!?) of her Sun Rebellion. 

While there have been moments in which she has teased us with a break in the clouds, it has rained much more than those afternoon showers she's famous for. 

See? A little tease of color?!

If I seem a little blah, it's because I'm Vitamin D deficient. And by deficient, I mean pale. 

Enough about me. 

I'm really thinking about our local moms of Littles right now. 

The ones who have been on lock-down because you just can't see it's worth it to load up in the rain to go anywhere. 

I know you are worried about too much screen time, too much fighting, too many Cheez-Its, and Lord knows there's been too much Candyland. (For you, not them.) You've done that crafts, the dance parties, and read all.the.books.

You don't really want go to Chick-Fil-A playground every day or the mall, because budget. I get it. The free movies are great, but when one needs to go to the bathroom, you have to load everybody up.

I remember. 

This is when the Band of Sisters is so important, and I do pray you have one. Even if you can just go to one another's homes it breaks the monotony. Or go to the free movie together so you can divide and conquer. Maybe swing by and pick up a tweenie or teen to be a "Mother's Helper"? 

(Updated: I just saw this list of indoor activities today on Tampa Bay Moms Blog.)

But, what if that's even too much? 

What if your road is flooded & you couldn't get out if you wanted to?

Throw away screen time rules for a few days. Embrace the movie day. Build a fort. Make it a whole thing. 

Yes, I know you're worried that the violence of the Serengeti cheetah killings will be desensitizing, but it won't, it's educational. Circle of life and whatnot. I know Jeff Corwin drives you bat crazy, but go ahead, press play. Then, give yourself permission to stick an earbud in your phone and watch a little Gilmore Girls on the side. We won't tell. 

By God's great grace, this rain will eventually stop (Soon, please!) and you can hit the pool again, go to the library, and the even the grocery. 

The point is, give yourself a little grace. And maybe a little stash of chocolate wouldn't hurt. 

Praying for special blessings for you today. 

14 Truths on her 14th Birthday.

Another birthday in the house. Big Sister is 14.
I'm so excited for her future. This kid is the real deal.

I'm not the mom that cried at kindergarten or cries as my girls get older,
although all these baby teeth pics are killing me.

I do, however, get a sense of urgency.
I am keenly aware that, while I hope to always be a sounding board, my in-house influential days are numbered. I'll never not be their momma, but ya know. There are so many things I want my girls to leave the nest with: good flossing habits, a healthy body image, a solid foundation of the Word, and knowing that their parents are flawed people in pursuit of Jesus. I want them to know how to cook some basic meals and keep a house and make it a  home. I want them to know how to speak up for themselves, to call "Bull" when necessary, to know their worth, and to write notes. I want them to live well and love well, to value people over things.
So many things. So little time.

I have a general rule about making promises to my kids (I don't love it); I like to keep us all flexible, but for such an occasion, I thought I'd list {updated} fourteen promises she can be sure of today, tomorrow, and most days...
Grinning.

1. The more you know the Truth, the more you'll recognize a lie.
Plaster your memory with the Word. 
How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your Word. 
I will seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. 
Psalm 119:9-11

2. The issue that you have the hardest time with today will be the very thing that will bring forth your victory in Jesus.
Your weakness is His strength. It's His specialty. Ask me how I know.
"My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness."- Jesus
2 Corinthians 12:9

3. You will never regret being classy.

4. You will not immediately understand every decision I make over these next few years.

5. Most of your regrets will be the things you didn't do, rather than the things you did.
Be brave. Cheer for the underdog. Dance. Go for broke. Big risks yield big rewards.

6. Jesus in you will always shine brighter than the lipstick on you.
But, I'm not opposed to lipstick. :)

7. It is possible to love your body and want to improve it.
Be strong, be healthy, and be ready to GO when the Lord calls you!

8. Encouraging others (especially girls) doesn't mean that you are less than,
it means you are strong enough to lift them up.
Be a cheerleader for your people. 

9. The second mile is the best mile.
Go the distance. Even when you don't have to.

Member that time you ran a triathlon!?

10. Your heart will lie to you.
Your gut is usually right. The Word is always right.

11. Confidence is not the same as arrogance.
Confidence is an attractive quality, wear it well.

12. When in doubt, overdress.

Cause, ya know, mud.

13. You can never out love me nor out sin me. 
This is not a challenge. Please don't try.

14. Your best days are coming.
Keep a good pair of shoes handy cause you are going places. 

Happy birthday, Sister. I love you more than strawberries.

When We Quit.

I started writing this up several months ago. I let it sit out of fear, if I'm honest. Today, a friend shared an excellent blog post on this subject. Now, I'm mad I didn't post mine earlier.

Good on both of them for their guts! So, go ahead, let's get the discussion started.
__________________________________________________
Several years ago, our oldest daughter put in that she wanted to participate in Little League Cheer. We had put her off for a while because it is a heavy commitment, but this particular year, we decided to give it a try. I was struggling with the "Cheer Mom" title, but let me tell you: this kid was adorable in her little cheer uniform. I mean it. The stinkin' cutest little curly-Q'd, ribboned pony tail ever!

Seriously. The cutest.

I anticipated one conflict and talked to every person I could to be sure this wouldn't be an issue. Her coach, a friend and volunteer mom, was a first-time coach and was giving it all she had. I didn't want our issue to be a problem for a volunteer coach, so I was very transparent about it from the beginning and she was gracious. We started the season and a few weeks and several hundred dollars later, it became obvious to us that our issue was going to be one. Still, everyone was gracious as I stood our ground, but they had to do what they had to do and so did we. She cheered two games and we walked away. I wrote a letter to the Board thanking them for their volunteer hours, explaining our position, and apologizing for any extra paperwork they had to do on our account. My 8 year-old wrote a little note, too.

Our issue: Cheer Competitions on Sundays.
To be clear, they weren't every Sunday. Three over the season, if I remember correctly. 

As Christians, this was really a no-brainer to us. We value the local church's place in the Body of Christ. We believe we have a place in the Body. We genuinely enjoy church. But, this isn't even the crux of it.

Who and What my girls worship on Sundays is.

We just couldn't do it. We knew we were not going set the precedence for recreation over Sunday worship. This is, as we celebrate, the Sabbath. The one that is to be kept holy. As in the 4th Commandment. Now, Lord knows we have not kept all the commandments all the time, but this. This we could.
<Note: I'm talking Sundays. Sunday morning worship. Wednesday night church is not a commandment. Smiling. Now, if you have Saturday night church or if your church has Sunday evening services, I don't know. Some would argue that Sunday should still be a day of complete rest. I'm not getting into all that, that's between you and Jesus. > 

Maybe you've seen it:
Parents who sang "Jesus Loves Me" and read Bible stories to their babies. They taught their toddlers that "God is so great, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do." Loving parents took their little ones to Sunday School and choir and Christmas programs. Parents that could see the benefit of team sports and even used that as a way to build relationships in the community and lead people to Christ. Eventually, the athletic tournaments and competitions have become fun, family events and they are all weekend, every weekend for a season or seven. Fantastic, Jesus-loving parents wake up one day and they can't remember the last time they went to church and worshipped as a family with the Body of Believers in which they claim "membership".  Instead, they have worshipped at the altar of a trophy.

Ok. This is a made up scenario, but you get it, right? This is what we wanted to guard against. It's a slippery slope. Yes, I understand we were looking at three Sundays. No, I don't think my salvation or that of my child's would be in jeopardy over three missed Sundays. For us, it came down to teaching her to impact the world as a Christ follower.

Listen. We are at war. We are battling a culture for the hearts of our children. We've got to take this seriously. 

I know you've heard the statistics. Something like upwards of 90% of professed Christians are graduating high school, going away to college and walking away from church, and often, the Lord. They are going to college and living quite hedonistic little lives, leaving their parents devastated and worried. Rightly so.

We aren't hoping for our kids to just "stay in church", I'm raising women who ARE the church. That means equipping them to GO out and be the light. That means they need to know what they believe and act like they believe it.

There is definitely not one answer. But, I do believe this is [one] battle in the Culture War. Keeping the Sabbath holy and making a (loving, favorable) statement to the community may be something you could do to change the culture of sports-worship in your community. 

Teachable Moment: The Unacceptable Swap.

Watching TV with my girls the other night, this commercial came on and presented a teachable moment in my living room.

http://youtu.be/Otanzby8Hn4

Yoplait 2013 Ad. 

At the end of the commercial, I waited about .02 seconds
for my girls to say anything.
They hesitated too long.
So I spoke up.

"Um. No. Just because one is a big ole pile of crap 

and the other is just a little turd, 

does not make this an acceptable swap."

Then they died.

Boom.

Teachable moment. Owned.

Had any awesome teachable moments like that?

King-Sized Bed- Not Needed.

The last time my Spouse was out of town, my girls slept over with me in my room for maybe the fourth time ever.

Ever.

There are 4 beds in this house.
I ended up on the couch.
The likelihood of a fifth time is slim. I can't even deal.
I'm just not a co-sleeping parent.
I have respect for those who do. It's just never been my thing.
I have friends that are or were co-sleepers and they are great parents. 
Some even have very well-adjusted grown kids. *grinning* 

Remember, my goal is "World's Okayest Mom", so co-sleeping is not a requirement for that title.

Let's be clear: we are a snuggling family. We do well with the early morning snuggles in the bed and on the couch, and until they get to the point they think they are too big to snuggle, I'm in. Just not sleeping the whole night.

Co-sleeping is not good for us and I have the stats to prove it.

So, you're welcome in advance. Feel free to use these when necessary.

Here's why our kids sleep in their own beds:

Ribs. Co-sleeping increases your odds of cracked ribs by .01234%.
Listen. I've got work to do as a mom, I can't gamble with these odds.

Sleep Quality. Children sleep 123% better in the parents' bed, while the parents' sleep quality is decreased by 98.765%. You know it's true. Even a small one just can't argue with these numbers.

Future Generations. If there are always children in your bed, you can't use your bed in the way God intended. This effects your number of offspring, which effects the number of grandchildren you have. See? Co-sleeping could very well be the leading cause of what has been referred to as Demographic Winter.

 Stink. A child's body temperature is approximately 98.Eleventyº. They have the morning sweat to prove it.
Precious angel from heaven sweats +mom sweats+ dad sweats= stink.
First thing in the morning.
Nope.

Failure to Launch. Co-sleeping is a slippery slope, people. You let those little pillow-snatchers in your bed once, they'll prey on weakness every night at 2:48am for the rest of your natural born life. Then, when he's grown, he'll prey again. I read somewhere that .321% of adult children living at home were co-sleepers as babies.

Sacred Bed. Really. If you ask my girls at any time, "Why doesn't your mom let your sleep in her bed?" They will answer, without hesitation, "My daddy would let me, but mom says the marriage bed is sacred." And, then they'll likely add some smartie-tartie hilarity to go along with it. Whatever. They need to read up on their prescriptures.

So, there ya go. These are the facts.

Thoughts? Co-sleeping or not?

Insta-conversation for Parents & Kids.

Moms and Dads, you and I are parenting little digital natives. Outside of living on the compound, we cannot escape this. Eventually, these little digitally-savvy crumb-snatchers gifts from the Lord are going to want an iPod and/or a tablet of some sort and/or a phone.

I am not going to tell you how to parent your kids, or tell you when/if I think it is appropriate or necessary to allow kids to have a smart phone. You know your kids way better than I do and there is no biblical mandate on it so I'm not going there.

Today, we are going to focus on Instagram. Instagram seems to be the gateway to social media. Playing the "I'm just not a social media person" card is just not going to cut it if you are going to allow your kids to have access. Ok, so maybe I am telling you how to parent. *grin* But, really. If your kid has social media access, you should, too.

{Image belongs to Instagram}

So much of this comes down to teaching. We don't have to avoid social media outlets just because there are some sketchy aspects of it. You can, if you want. That doesn't make you a bad parent. Nor does allowing your kids to use them.

When navigating into the Insta-world, there is one thing for parents to consider first: Age of Usage.

This is a biggie for a lot of folks and for good reason. Below is the Children's Privacy portion of the Instagram Privacy Policy. A lot of folks read this to say the minimum age for usage is 13. That's not what this says. This policy is in effect to protect Instagram. It does say that the content of Instagram is "not directed at children under the age of 13",  I see that. This does not prohibit use. Those are two different things. "Parental consent" is a big phrase here. You are the parent. You get to decide. 

{From Instagram Privacy Policy}

Once we made the decision to 'go there', the dialogue (not lecture) began.
These are some things we discussed in our house:

1. Purpose- What is the purpose of Instagram? Why are we using it? For us, it's a photo sharing site. It's for fun and connection with friends. We understand that we don't use Instagram for meeting people or being popular or whatnot. You have to decide in your house what is an acceptable purpose for Instagram.

2. Privacy- Set that profile to private for the love of Mark Zuckerberg. There really is no reason to have your full name. First name, last initial is enough for your friends to know you.  Also, your 'single' status at age 12 is of no significance. Honestly. 

3. Following- We have an agreement about a few things. 1.) I follow who they follow. 2.) I follow who follows them. 3.) They do not grant any request for a follow without checking with me first. 4.) They don't follow anyone without checking with me first.
Let me be clear: my girls understand that we do this because we love them and are for them. They also understand that they have an enemy who hates them and is against them. This enemy will use any scheme necessary to bring destruction, including fun little Instagram. These little "rules" are not a battleground for us. We are together on it.

4. Popularity- This is hot issue for me. Not the popularity, per se, but begging for popularity. This business about "like for like" and "follow for follow" is so ridiculous of a thing it should not even be a thing. So, we talk about it. (This is the notion of liking other photos just so someone will like your photos, same for following.) What does it mean for a person to have a lot of "likes" or "followers"? Why would a person want to have a lot of followers?

In addition, just as a "social media etiquette" issue, I have told my girls, "You do not ever 'like' your own photo and liking every picture your friend posts is unnecessary." It's just cheesy. And, since I'm getting fired up, let's put a max on hashtags, shall we, for Jimmy Fallon's sake? Maybe 3 or 4 maximum per photo?

5. Pics-  We discuss what photos are appropriate to post. This may seem silly at first, but I don't think so. We just encourage our girls to be intentional with social media. We don't want to see any unflattering pictures of other people posted. (This came up when we saw a sister post up an unflattering picture of her sister as a joke. No.) We also don't want to see blessed selfie after selfie! I don't know where I got it from, but someone suggested a 1:20 ratio for selfies. I love it! So, the day I read it, we made it our 'rule of thumb'! We had a good laugh and thought it sounded like a great idea. So, for every selfie, you should post 20 photos of other things or people.

6. Porn- My girls understand that pornography means sexually implicit photos. (They've not seen any, give sketchy junk at a mall or commercial. Ugh.) They understand that porn is addictive and that most kids ages 9-13 see pornography by accident while searching online. They understand that pornography contributes to the buying and selling of humans. Because of this, they are careful not to just go perusing the popular page of Instagram.

The world of social media changes our world as parents. These are just parts of discussions that we've had as a family over time related to Instagram usage. This was not one conversation.

What would you add to this discussion?

BIG BELIEFS, Little Beliefs.

Big Beliefs, Little Beliefs came from Tara over at A Brew of Blessings. It's not a link up, really, but it should be. So, T, get on that! :)) Lists like this are random, but connect us when something resonates. It's mostly for fun, nothing too deep. Enjoy & add your own!

I believe...

~Hot chocolate is a solid comfort drink. 
Not solid as in matter, solid as in dependable.

~Loving your neighbor may mean walking her dogs.

~A new outfit can alter the events of your day.

~So can your shoes.

~Just because you are intentional about including people, 
doesn't mean others are.

~You'll never regret shaving your legs.
Girls. I. Am. Just. Sayin.

~People think about you a lot less than you think they do.
I don't know who said this, but a friend said it this week. So true.

~The first songs of the day set the tone for the rest of your day. 

Choose wisely.

~Assumptions are the worst.

~This world is not my home. 

I don't want to get too comfortable anywhere.

~Finicky eaters ("I don't like ___, ____, or ____...") used to stress me out.
It's difficult to accommodate a super-picky person. 
Now, "Just bring what you want."

~Writing is a blessing and a curse.

Blessing: It is an effective outlet.

Curse: If you don't write, you don't feel "let out". 

~Being the new girl is just plain hard. 
No matter how old you are, no matter how super-sanguine you are. It's just hard.

~A visit with a friend is therapeutic.

~"We don't work best when we are dragging around our past." - Curtis Jones. 

Context can be found by listening to the Bayou City Fellowship podcast from October 27, 2013. 

~Being a "mean mom" is often a reason to high-five yourself.

~Walking in faith and walking in crazy sometimes look similar.
Our decisions shouldn't always be practical or make sense 
to the world...or even other Christians.

~The early morning decision of brushing teeth first or going to the 
bathroom first is sometimes enough to overwhelm me before daylight.

~People trump everything else.
People over things. People over money. 
People over schedule. People over programs.
People over comfort. People over sleep.
When in doubt, choose people. 

~The voice in your head is often a familiar one. 
That voice might be a little liar.

~Sometimes you know in the first five minutes, "Yep, you are my people."

~Key clicking on your phone is not awesome in a waiting room. 
Or any room where other people are present.

~Pinterest is not necessary for genuine hospitality.
Sandwiches on paper plates served from a sincere place of service is gold. 

~Fall brings a welcomed breeze, even for a Summer Girl.

Let's hear em! 

What do you believe?

Touchdowns & Kisses

Floyd Casey Stadium. Photo credit: My Spouse!

Spouse and I recently learned of a Texas A&M football tradition that is way better than any drinking game you can learn on any number of typical college campuses.

Last weekend, we went to the Baylor University homecoming game with some of our closest, sweetest friends. Joe is a Baylor alumnus, so we all decided to meet up in Waco for the weekend's festivities. Baylor had scored maybe their second touchdown when Joe let us know their football tradition that they had carried on from our other friends and former pastor & wife, Michael & Liliana.

Evidently, Michael & Liliana kiss each time their team scores at a football game.
We adopted this little tradition faster than you can say, "Gig Em!".

<<I realize in Bear Country, they say "Sic Em Bears!" and I did. Happily. But, I learned that this sweet little kissy tradition came from Aggie Nation. My friends lived in Austin for several years, and apparently caught this vision and brought it to Plant City, Florida! I love it. The point is the "game", not the origin.

So, "Whoop!" or "Gig Em!" or "Sic Em" Whichever! This is a great Tex-tradition! >>

This sweet couple just took a cool college tradition and turned it into a marriage game.

Husbands & Wives, this is brilliant on so many levels.

It's fun. Football games & sporting events in general are fun. Little traditions like this just add to it. Marriage is not a burden to us, my Spouse is not a burden. We enjoy being together and an appropriate little smooch just expresses it. Listen. You can High-Five anybody, even strangers on the row behind you, but kissing at every 'score' (See what I did there?) takes that celebration to a whole 'nother level with your spouse! (That last prepositional phrase is there for a reason, Kids.) (I have a lot of younger readers.) (I'm not saying all kisses have to happen within marriage, but it wouldn't hurt.)

It's unifying. I hope that's a real word. There's not red squiggly underneath it, so I'm going with it. During that whole game, Debra and I were chatting away and solving all the world's problems. But, when Baylor scored, we turned and kissed our husbands! Heyyyy! It was just a little trigger to bring our attention back to our men for just a brief second. Don't you know they loved that junk!?

It edifies marriage. Our culture is not pro marriage. As Christians, we have to be counter-cultural in every way we can, and this accomplishes that in a non-confrontational way. As much as depends on you, be pro marriage! (You do not have to be married to be pro marriage.)

It's a good example. My kids watch our marriage intently. If we've done nothing else right, these girls see that their parents are into each other. Being affectionate (appropriately) in front of the kids is healthy. Then, lock the door.

It honors God. I just have to believe that God is thrilled every time Michael & Liliana share a little marital moment at football games. He designed marriage. He created us for physical intimacy and He created us to enjoy life. When all these things come together, the Lord smiles. I just know it.

Incidentally, the final score was 71-7, Baylor. That's a good start to this newly adopted tradition.

Do you have any fun little traditions like this?

Climb to the 'summit' of Enchanted Rock? Kissies!

PS- Listen. I'm pretty sure I just made up that every time a husband and wife share a kiss, a pegasus gets its wings. Do you really want to be responsible for wingless pegasi (also made up) running around?

Gettin' a Grip. Marriage Edition.

The other day, Spouse and I were holding hands in the car and I just had to snap this picture:

While it's not really an artistically beautiful photograph, it is a disturbingly accurate likeness of our marriage. 

Notice that we are gripping on. By God's grace, we are both gripping at the same time right now; although, I would be lying if I told you that it's always been this way. If not for sheer determination to continue gripping when the other wasn't, we would be any number of marriage statistics: divorced, separated, in a lifeless, miserable marriage, incarcerated, singing Cher songs to drown our misery...who knows? 

Those times of not gripping come from a variety of places. There have been times of selfishness that have left us doing nothing but holding on to ourselves. There have been weeks and months of holding on to babies. These seasons are not necessarily for lack of desire to grip, they may simply be a reflection of urgency rather than importance. I know of semi-recent times periods that left me so exhausted that my grip just wasn't very strong--I just didn't have the strength. What I also know is that the Lord gave my Spouse extra-strength so that he could grip for the both of us.  I am so grateful for this season of grippin' together.

Notice we both have cuts. Oh, Sweet Reader, do we. We showed up to this party with quite a few cuts. We've cut each other. When things were really ugly, we aimed for the old cuts. We were a good aim. Not awesome. Oh, but by His wounds we are healed.  Nothing but grace, People. No longer do we want to go for blood. We want healing and growth and togetherness.

Notice the regular background. It's a regular car and a regular phone charger and regular jeans. Nothing that screams "Extraordinary!" This is very much our now. Regular. Schooling. Cleaning. Regular. Working. Swim. Gymnastics. Regular. 

2013 doesn't look a thing like 2012 and feels sometimes quite mundane. But, we are doing it. 

And, honestly, it's hilarity amidst the mundane. We laugh a lot. 

Notice that the gripping is intentional. The background might look boring, but we are doing the thing.  I mean, look at me, for the love of Tetris! I'm gripping his thumb like a joystick. On purpose! 

We are purposeful about our Jesus, our marriage, our parenting and our home. In. That. Order. 

It was not always this way. Grace. Just grace.

And, that's the picture of us gettin' a grip.

Sometimes that's all you can do, isn't it? 

Get a grip.

Straight Talk About The Talk- Part 1

Today, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of parents at my church about talking to their kids about their sexual purity. Naturally, it led to the updating and reposting of this blog from last summer. In true Melissa fashion, I added a lot, leading me to break it up into installments. It looks like there will be 4. Unless I add more. :)

In the least self-promoting way, because I believe in the message, I hope these become the most shared posts of all the Spouseisms posts.
Preparing our kids for a fulfilling, monogamous marriage is the ultimate Spouseism. :)

______________________________________________________________

Parents, Pre-Parents, Educators,

Let's talk about sex. :) (My blog hits just went from 5 to 10 just like that!)

It's time for a little straight talk about The Talk. 

It has to be done. And, as the 'Rents, you are the ones to do it. This business of expecting the I promise, there is no need to worry yourself to the point of hives, nor is there cause to bury your head in the proverbial sand! You can do this! There is, however, cause for you to take seriously the need to talk early and talk often with your kids about sex and the importance of saving all sexual activity until marriage.

Talk to God - Pray. Pray for your child's purity. Pray for what your child is exposed to outside of your presence. Pray that those you entrust with your kids would protect them from exposure to harmful media images. Pray that he would be blind to images that are preying on him. Pray for your child to see herself the way God sees her, a precious gift, purposed in this world to change the world. Pray for your child's future spouse. A really smart momma told me that she always prayed that her children's hearts would be asleep until God had the person to wake it up. Is that precious?!
Pray for these things with your child/teen. 

Bonus: It changes your relationship. Really. They see into your heart and truly believe that you don't want what's good for them, you want what God has for them.

Talk Early - With the Littles, use correct anatomical terms. Penis and vagina are not dirty words. Honestly, it's cute to hear a toddler say vagina. Mine said "sagina" and it was the best! You need to be comfortable saying these words and so do your children.
I explained it to my girls this way: pee-pee/penis or pee-pee/vagina are similar to sofa and couch. They mean the same thing. I gave several examples: chair/recliner, bike/bicycle...you get the idea. Children are not squeamish about saying a word like 'vagina' until they learn to be. Really, it's not a big deal--head, shoulders, knees, toes, penis. It's all about learning their 2000 'fearfully and wonderfully made' parts!

Talk Often - Talking about sex with your child is not a one-time deal. Use teachable moments. Media gives us plenty! Here's the deal, your kids WILL get a sex education. They can get it from NBC, government school, a Kardashian (Lord forbid it), the cool cousin, church, or YOU. I can not say this to enough Mommas: The first person to talk to your child about sex is the expert--Be the expert! 

I'm not saying oversaturate your kid with inappropriate sexual conversation, I'm just saying don't let the moments pass you by and don't wait for some special dinner. Just be casual. Never let 'em see you sweat.
You end up repeating some things and that's okay. Each time, new areas of conversation will come up. And, more details will come up. Don't wait for them to ask questions. By the time the questions come, they've been brewing. Stay ahead of 'em if you can.

I'd love to hear your stories and ideas. Let's help each other out here!
Do you use correct anatomical words in your house? Is this a subject area that causes you angst?

Upcoming Installments: Talk Privacy, Purity, Marriage, Goals, Consequences, Media. :)