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Showing posts with label singleness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label singleness. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Definition of a Bum. Updated.

This post was originally published last year as the first guest post my Spouse wrote. Several readers have referred back to it on occasion, so I thought it was worth a repost.


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While walking the streets of Downtown Houston it is not uncommon to encounter some of the many homeless who live on the streets in this city of more than four million people.  Melissa and I have found through conversations that they have names, stories, and life experiences.  

My girls and I have had extensive conversations about the love we can show to the homeless here in Houston: a conversation, a meal, or just acknowledging their existence.  

However, if I bring up the word “bum” my girls get a much different picture.

I often remember hearing people refer to homeless as “bums” when I was younger, but my definition is a little different than my dictionary app on my iPhone and this is what I teach my girls.   

Bum
-Noun
1.  Person who avoids work and sponges on others; loafer; idler
2. Over-enthusiast of a specific sport or recreational activity, especially one who gives it priority over work, family life, etc.
3.  An lazy, but able-bodied person
4.  A drunk
5. A selfish person

I want to make sure my girls and those in our college ministry understand 
what a bum looks like:
  •       A bum is unwilling to support himself.  No job = bum.
  •       A bum is too lazy to open the door for a woman.
  •    A bum will put his physical desires ahead of what is best for a woman.
  •       A bum leaves the trash can full of trash. Call me “old fashioned”, but a lazy man will have a woman taking out the trash and mowing the lawn.  I tell my girls, “You decide, do you see your mom having to do that?” ("Having" being operative word here.)
  •       A bum spends a large portion of his time idle in front of a computer, television, or video game.   The IMB (International Mission Board) is sending more women than men into the harsh, dangerous areas of Africa because our 20 something boys refuse to put down the controller and become men.
  •       A bum allows his hobbies or sports interests to consume his life. These things have or will become his idol and he will have no time to worship the true God or lead is family to worship.
  •       A bum will allow family and work to take second seat to his ego and comfort.   A man who loves unselfishly will work whatever job it takes to support a family. 
  •       A bum is incompetent in the handling of Scripture.  He cannot expect to lead biblically if he is illiterate himself.
  •        A bum will allow alcohol to dilute his senses, leaving a woman to worry that he will not be in sober mind to both defend and protect her in any situation. 
Ladies,

·      Top three musts of a dateable man
  • He must know and walk with Christ daily.
  • He must have a drive to work and support his family no matter what that job may look like.
  • He should be mentored by your dad or another strong Christian male figure in your life!    
God has a man for you, he is preparing his heart, but you will need to be patient in waiting on God.   Have men in your life, if not your father, that love you enough to identify a bum and believe them when they say it.

Paul described love best in 1 Corinthians 13 this way:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, and does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…. Vs 4-7

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reasoned like a child 
when I became a man, I did away with childish things.  Vs 11

A bum will look a lot like an overgrown child…

 mdh.
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Whew! Love it! I know there is somebody who needs this word!

Monday, December 31, 2012

Top 12 of 2012


A blog about blogs that I read suggested that bloggers repost a list of the most read blogs this year. This got me curious.

This was sort of a neat exercise, just to see what types of posts resonate with my people.

It says a lot about you readers, ya know. ;)

Here's the list of the 12 most read Spouseisms posts of 2012.


12.  Door. Closed. This was definitely in the top 3 worst days of 2012. A hard post to write and I didn't even like looking at it again just for this list.

11. Beautiful Singleisms. This is one that I hope readers share with some single folks.

10.  Straight Talk about THE Talk. This one, too. Talk to your kids before anyone else does.

9.  Paradox of Going and Leaving. Tough stuff.

8.  BIG BELIEFS, Little Beliefs. I wrote several of these "Beliefs" posts, but this one was the most read. I know why, too! Cause some of y'all straight up knew that somewhere in this post was the phrase "best sex"! Boom. Boost in readership right there. Just sayin'. I know what y'all are thinking!

7.  Revisitng Spouseisms for the Betrothed. Share them with newly and nearly married couples. Not everyone will agree with all, and that's okay. I still stand by them.

6.  Big C Church & Little c church. Loved this one.

5.  Spouseisms for the Betrothed See #7.

4.  Definition of a Bum. I dig when my Spouse writes.

3.  No Words. Whoa. Jesus showed up.

2.  Might + Should = Might Should Challenge to write for my friend over at Most Illustrious Mother.

1.   House Hunting as a Spaz. Our crazy search for a house was the most read? I don't know if I believe  it. Must be the wanna-be hackers. I had two random realtors post on my page. Gets on my blessed nerves.

So, there they are. Top 12.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Beautiful Singleisms

I've had several conversations (real-life ones, Twitter, text, all modern) with lovely, and I mean LOVELY, single, 20-somethings expressing their frustrations with singleness-related issues. One frustration in general resonated across the board: hearing that they are "too picky" when it comes to dating.

Now, y'all long-time readers know that these 20-somethings are of the Millennial Generation

They are my favorites. They had me at "social networking".  
Holy iPhone, Batman!  My heart is racing right now just thinking about 'em.

They are a motivated, take-action group and they are slated to be the most educated generation. They are world-changers. 

So, one of these motivated 20-somethings comes to you and says how hard it is to find someone that is "dateable" and how he/she is tired of hearing the "you're too picky" remark. What do you say?

Hold the phone. I've got a little something for ya. These little nuggets of goodness are gender-neutral, gender specific posts will follow. :) 

Singleisms:
  • Know who you are. Know whose you are. 
  • Embrace your singleness in Jesus's name.  Rock on for the glory of the Lord.
  • Stop looking. Really. Stop trying to find someone dateable and be someone dateable.
  • Remember, the purpose for dating is to find a suitable spouse. If there is a 'deal breaker', don't stick around.
  • Travel. Really. You just should see as much of this world as you can afford. It seems unrelated to dating, but it's not. Seeing the world, its beauty, injustices, people, and cultures open your eyes to who YOU ARE, which enables you to see others differently.
  • Expect a little less than perfection. No one is perfect. You may just be blessed enough to find someone perfect for you. This will likely be an opposite in many ways. Exhibit A: The Spouses.
  • Determine the difference between flaws and deal breakers. For real. And, be willing to walk.
  • Be slow to reject solely based on physical appearance or even a little awkwardness. You may reject in haste and miss a sweet friendship or more. Lunch or coffee is a quick 'date', little investment.
  • Christian Singles: Dating is NOT, I repeat, NOT a mission field. Period. No. Exclamation!
  • Do not believe everything you see on the Facebook. You already know this. Cause you're smarties. Speaking of Facebook, real voice conversations are important in dating. Call. Don't text, tweet, update, or message. Call. Like, dial the phone with the numbers.
  • Let's not let Mr. or Ms. Right catch you being all sketchy with Mr. or Ms. Very Wrong. Don't waste your time. Plus, this never makes for a good wedding speech. 
  • Ask yourself, "Am I picky or do I have high standards? Am I picky or prideful? What am I picky about?" Are you picky about qualities of a leader for your home or physique or finances? Having a high standard is good, you don't need to shop the clearance aisle, here. Being prideful or arrogant is a different story. Remember Gaston from Beauty and the Beast? Eww. 
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  • If you hang out at bars/clubs on the prowl looking for a hook-up, stop reading my blog. Just stop.
  • Seek mature, godly counsel from someone who doesn't want good for you, but that wants best for you. Someone that has no vested interest in your dating life. Read: no attraction on either of your parts. Then, ponder the counsel. Their perspective is likely not as clouded as yours may be.
  • Pray for the one you aren't dating, yet. Pray for the one you may not have even met yet. Your attitude will change when you know you are praying for your future spouse in specific ways. Pray for his/her family, education, manners, salvation, physical health, walk with Jesus, purity, etc.
  • Don't live like you're waiting. Live like you're living. Live on purpose.

Bottom line: You deserve God's very best. So does your future spouse.

What do you think? Are you a single, 20-something?
If you aren't, what would you say to a single, 20-something about picky dating?