11 Things I've Learned from Being Her Mom.

Last week, my oldest turned 13. I wrote a post of 13 Promises for a 13 Year Old. 

And, now, this nonsense: this little gardener is 11 today. 

So ridiculous, really. I feel like I just wrote this for her 10th birthday.

Proud gardener at 5.

I tell you what, I just can not imagine a world with out this one. 

She's like a small adult in so many ways, wise well beyond her years.

She's taught me a few things these last 11 years. 

Here's 11 things I've learned by being her mom:

1. Kids will repeat anything you say.

Before her FIRST birthday, I kid you not, this kid was verbal. Spouse was fussing at me for a certain word I use(d) often, warning me that she would repeat it. I was trying to stop saying it, so while I was on the phone with her in the back seat, I was careful to spell out, "C-R-A-P". About 2.85 seconds later, little Chatty Cathy in the back starts repeating, 

"Cee-Aww-Ay-Pee, Cee-Aww-Ay-Pee". Good job, Mom. 

2. Kids want to learn from you.

Seriously. They do. Teach them well. 

Respect their intelligence and, on occasion, let them use power tools.

3. When you wear a uniform, rock it.

She is more than just a cutesy dimple.

 4. "Dealing with yourself is hard, isn't it?" - My Spouse says this when necessary.

Cause, ya know. Mini-me. I've had to learn to handle her in the way I need to be handled, 

not in the way that comes naturally. 

5. Your children will use your words against you.

Because #2 is true, they are listening.

Not really feeling like serving someone at a particular time, she said, respectfully,

 "Mom, people first. This is about relationships." 

She's also been known to say, "Mom, have you had lunch?" on an occasion when I was a little on the hangry side. 

6. Aim high.

Driving through a more affluent area of H-town a couple of years ago, she asked how much a particular house cost. I looked it up and told her, "$5 million. So, if you study super hard and get a great job, maybe you can buy that house." 

She said, "Can't I just marry a millionaire?" Well, there's that.

7. Aim high. No really.

This cutesy sets the bar to just above excellence. She doesn't begin anything she can't pursue with diligence and excellence.  I mean anything. Like make the bed or a school assignment or pack a suitcase.  

8. Your kids see things you don't see.

Open your eyes. Ask them what they see.

 9-11. Any time is snuggle time.

This child is the 'snugglingest' kid ever.

Honestly.

She & Hannah snuggling on a long car ride.

 So grateful to be these yayhoos' mom.

Happy birthday, Little Sister. I love you more than pickle juice.

Talking to Kids about Human Trafficking

"We are in it to End It."

{Source: End It}

The End It Movement campaign to raise awareness and end human trafficking has declared February 27 a day to "Shine a Light on Slavery". Depending on the circles you run in, you may notice some red X's on hands and plastered all over social media. These are people declaring to no longer be a light in the darkest of darkness.
Launched by Louie Giglio and Passion in 2012, End It has garnered attention from 
mainstream media to Carrie Underwood to the White House.

If you're reading this blog, you are likely aware of many of the facts: 
~More slaves in the world today than any other time in history. 27 million plus.
~Slavery is prevalent in 161 countries across the globe.
~Estimated 14,000-17,500 people are trafficked into the U.S. each day.
~People are bought and sold for average of $90. 

No doubt this is a fantastic initiative and the fight for freedom is one I can not ignore. 
Nor do I want my girls to ignore it. 
How do we talk to our kids about slavery and 
darkness in the world without making them fearful? 
The key is hope. A solution. 

First, we define the issue in age appropriate terms. 
You know your child best, but you may say something like, 
"A person is a slave if another person thinks they own them like you own your toys. They think they are the boss over them and do not respect them." 
If your children are a little older, have them look up the definition of slave and slavery for themselves. Talk about how they would feel if they never got to make any choices on their own. 
Know what resonates with your child. If "good guy, bad guy" talk works well, do it. 
"There some bad guys in the world that think it's okay to make other 
people work for them and not pay them for it."
You don't need to specify the kind of work unless they ask, if they do, stick to labor if you are dealing with elementary or early middle school. 

Note: Understanding healthy sexual relationships is important before discussing unhealthy relationships.

Once you've made your child aware of slavery and that it still exists, that's not the end. 
This is the key to growing little crusaders in to grown-up crusaders!

Pray. 
Pray with all authority that has been given to you by the power of the Holy Spirit. Pray for justice and mercy and complete healing for the captives. Pray for "bad guys" to become "good guys". Pray for public officials, police, detectives, and for the many volunteer and non-profits, like Elijah Rising,  that are in the rescue business. Beyond this, when you see answered prayers in your daily life, from the tummy feeling better to the found blankie, give all glory to God and make sure your little one knows how sweet it is when God hears our prayers. When you hear of rescues, share them. 
Pray and thank God for freedom. Give them hope.

Recently, a place of known slavery (I don't like to use the brothel with my kids, although I know they know the word. It's just a thing.) was shut down about two miles from my house. So, I drove my girls by to show them this:

Don't you know when had a praise party!?

Do Something.
Praying is doing something. Absolutely.
Still, there are tangible ways to engage in the fight.
Let them get a put a red X on their hands. 
Write notes or Scripture cards to rescued victims, make cookies for them.
I was recently reminded how difficult a job the local vice cops have, and how they are in need of encouragement. They could use some notes of exhortation, too. Let your kids see you give financially to organizations fighting for freedom, locally and globally. Let them give, too. You never know how a child could be inspired to raise money. By empowering them to be a part of the solution, you are showing them they have a purpose in this world. Oh, the little world changers we have in our homes! 

Our children can certainly understand that whoever has been given much, much will be required. (Luke 12:48) We can be a part of freedom and healing and hope. All of us.

How do you talk to your kids about the hard stuff? The dark stuff? I'd love to hear it.

Love! Melissa


Thank you for reading and sharing on social media!

Teachable Moment: The Unacceptable Swap.

Watching TV with my girls the other night, this commercial came on and presented a teachable moment in my living room.

http://youtu.be/Otanzby8Hn4

Yoplait 2013 Ad. 

At the end of the commercial, I waited about .02 seconds
for my girls to say anything.
They hesitated too long.
So I spoke up.

"Um. No. Just because one is a big ole pile of crap 

and the other is just a little turd, 

does not make this an acceptable swap."

Then they died.

Boom.

Teachable moment. Owned.

Had any awesome teachable moments like that?

Dear America

It's Thursday, Y'all, and it's been a while. These two statements are not related what-so-ever. 

Y'all know we moved, right? Well, that was a Baker Actable experience (All the Floridians understand!) in which I may or may not write about. I want to and it's hilarious, but the way this blog thing has gone lately...well...ya know. I don't want to just outright lie.

To keep things super anti-boring, which I am, we had some of our favorite Floridians come spend the weekend with us 6 short days after we moved in. Cause we're rollin', and <sing Montel Jordan here or you won't be reading it right> this is how we do it.

There's also this little matter of schoolin' these crazy little world changers! Listen. My kids are 98.4% Grade Awesome and their standard of schooling is, too. They are not members of the "C's Get Degrees" Club, of which I may or may not have been the president. Somebody has taught them nonsense about "excellence" & "quality" & "diligence" reflecting character. It's spectacular, really. This school load is killing me and not even softly. (Do you sing it Roberta Flack or Lauryn Hill? I gotta know.) Plus, they are hogging my Mac. 

Anyway, I digress.

Since it's Thursday and it's been a while, I've got a few little letters for ya. They range from Shallow to Snarky to Jesus, much like your writer. Enjoy.

Dear America,
Pinterest is not for boys.
I pinned a similar folding-table contraption on Saturday morning.
The Spouse & Little Sister took a mad fast run to
Home Depot, came back & did work
on this little bad-boy before, during half-time, and between football games.
For the win.

Dear America,
Chatting with this little lady about a recent tragic event. The ever-present question "Why?" was asked. She said, "I can tell you why. I know exactly why. It's the devil. We need Jesus."
Amen, Sister. Amen.

Dear America,

Miss-chee-vee-uss is not a word.

That is all.

Dear America,
No, Honey. Just no.
The fact that the parking lot is near empty is irrelevant.

Dear America,

This is part of the 98.4% Awesome of the Big Sister. Her assignment was to brainstorm ideas for a persuasive paragraph. Now she could have gone deep about ending modern-day slavery or Creation or something, but she went to sweaty palms & sweaty breasts. She is my child. 

So, let the child lead us to the Classy Place where women no longer put phones in their bras.

<P.S. Views expressed in persuasive paragraphs by the churrin' are not necessarily the views of the parents. I have never told my churrin' that everybody should homeschool. I have, in fact, discussed the disturbance of the bra phone. Yes, I noticed the incorrect "there". I was blinded by the brilliance & I don't correct this jazz in a brainstorm. She ended up going with the "Holding hands in church". She has issues with this that I do not share, but like a good parent, I laugh at hilarity. .>

Dear America,

Lord willing, my next blog post will be sans glasses or contacts.

I am pumped like a Reebok in 1991. 

While I think my little glasses the Big Sister chose are cutesy, 

being able to see is going to be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. 

So, here they are for the last time. If you think about it in the next few hours, 

go ahead and mention my name to Jesus.

The Heat Is On.

This one time, we drove three and a half hours to the Texas Hill Country for the weekend.

Arent' we so cute and excited?!

We had reservations for 2 nights at this family campground with a pool and a bunch of activities for the kids. We were so excited! We'd heard about the water slides at the campground and we wanted to go "float the river". (That's "go tubing" for the non-Texans.)

Reading material: check.

Brit Nicole Pandora station: check.

The best 3 lbs I carry: check.

We set up the pop-up camper in 102º (feels like 104º) of pure Central Texas heat. My Spouse, like a solid Dad, did most of the work and drank the least amount of water. Dude got so ill from heat exhaustion.

No trees, Kids. No shade.

No joke. Actual heat exhaustion: extreme thirst, fatigue, confusion, nausea, headache, rapid heartbeat...the whole thing. The puppers, too! After he rested a while and drank a little water, the girls and I went to get him some Gatorade. He was so loopy he didn't even know where we were. Blessed assurance.
In case you missed it: I'm the good Spouse who leaves my husband passed out in a hot camper to go ride in the cool car.

We got a treat, too. :) Yah, Dad! We are on our way! Hurrying to save you!

 We got back to learn that the dog was feeling the ill effects of the heat, too. About the time that Spouse woke up, the pup threw up on him. Awesome. He drank the Gatorade and got to feeling a little better. We were all getting excited to float the river, but the AC was not cooling the camper very well. It was blowing cool and all, but this...

We cackled at the ridiculousness of the situation. There were spots in the camper that, if you sat real still, you could feel the cool air blowing. It was hilarious.

Before you ask, "Why didn't you go get in the pool or go to the river, Dummies?" A couple of reasons: the pool was about a third of the size it should have been for the number of sites at this campground. Packed full of people. Packed. Eww. The river, too. My pictures weren't good enough to post, but the river was so full of tubes and people, they were not even moving! I'm not kidding. It was a human dam. In addition, parts of the Guadalupe River do not allow cans on the river, but the section where we were allowed cans. Our drive-bys did not reveal a very family-friendly situation. Then, there was the puppers. It was not cool enough to leave him in the camper.

There was this one time, we drove three and a half hours to the hill country for the weekend. We stayed  5 whole hours and then loaded every.thing.back.up. and went home.

Cause here's why: If you can't take the heat, get out of Central Texas in a pop-up camper with an AC that can not compete with a country state that has its own sun.

How's your weekend?

Straight Talk About The Talk- Part 3

I know y'all have been on the edge of your seat. *grin*

Here's Part 3 of 4!

We've been talking about The Talk for a few weeks. You can catch up on Part 1 and Part 2, if you need to.


Talk Goals - When I was a traveling relationship educator (read: sex ed teacher), I was shocked at how many students had no clue how to set goals. We need to teach our children to keep their eyes on the prize! We need to use opportunities to teach them about delayed gratification. We can't always get what we want when we want it. This is completely contrary to the "Click Now" mentality our kids are saturated with! Allow your child the satisfaction of saving money for a new game, even if you can and want to buy it for them. Wait for things to go on sale. When you have to wait for something, talk about how great it is to have a fun experience after having to wait for a while.

Once these goals are set, it really will help you in many areas. For instance, your son sets a goal of lettering in high school basketball. Wonderful! In order to do that, grades will need to be just so, practices and conditioning will have to be priority, as well as other team responsibilities. 

This is usually a good time to discuss things that can derail your goals: an unintended pregnancy, a DUI, major distraction that causes grades to drop, etc. You get the idea. Then, when the question comes up about entering into 'relationship' with a girl, you revert back to the goals. Does being in a dating relationship help you achieve the goal of lettering in basketball? Let's talk about it. Often, he will talk himself right into the friend-zone. Boom.

Talk Consequences- Let's get the physical stuff out of the way, since that is the focus of the proponents of a Comprehensive Sex Ed approach, i.e. the abortion biz folks over at Planned Parenthood. 

So often, the only worrisome consequence of premarital sex is pregnancy. We have to teach our teens that pregnancy is NOT the worst thing that could happen. A baby is not a punishment! 

Depending on your teen, head on over to the CDC website, and see for yourself. If you are really brave, Google "gonorrhea" or "syphilis". (Graphic. Sad. Reality.) They can handle it.

Discuss real consequences. Don't wait for high school health class. You do it first! 

True story: A mom and I were discussing this and I suggested that she show her 14 year old daughter some of the CDC information and maybe some photos. Mom tells me that her daughter would be too squeamish and embarrassed to see the photos. My thought, "Wait. Didn't she watch Hunger Games?" That's a very violent, graphic movie! Hasn't this child seen PG-13 (possibly R) movies? We make concessions in the name of entertainment, and then get all concerned about damaging their innocent little eyes about the truth!? Honestly.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the movie. Don't hear that. My point is that this concern just doesn't jive. 

Physical consequences aside, share your heart's desire for your child with your child. Dig into the emotional side. I often say to my girls, "Girls, I don't want what is good for you. I want what is best for you. God wants even better than that for you." 

Waiting is always best. Always. There are emotional consequences attached to sex outside of marriage that no CDC photo can touch, emotional pain that no contraceptive or barrier can protect you from. 

You know your kid. You know how she is wired. You know what is going to connect. 

Trust yourself. Have the hard conversations.

Go for it.

Up next: All things Media. Media gets a post all on its own.

Straight Talk About The Talk- Part 2

This is Part 2 in a short series on talking to our kids about sex and ultimately encouraging them to prepare for a healthy, monogamous, godly marriage by delaying all sexual activity until wedding day. :)

Don't be scared! You are equipped!

You can catch up on Part 1 here.

________________________________________________________

Talk Privacy - Anything covered by a swimsuit is private. I'm okay with using the phrase 'private parts' as one of those interchangeable words mentioned before, too. No one, including Mom, Dad or Doctor, should ever look at or touch private parts without the child's permission. I have always appreciated our pediatrician for going overboard in this area. She overtly asks permission in my presence. Teach them that "No" means "No". Every time. Good touch, bad touch. These are uncomfortable conversations because we want our kids to live in the Happy Land of Butterflies. It won't ruin their happy. It will empower them that their words matter.
When discussing privacy, it is also beneficial to encourage your child to save discussions about private parts for alone times with parents. Teach your child that talking about private parts should be, well, private. Do this early. Teach your kid to whisper, for the love of Peter. Hey, I'm just trying to save you some embarrassing questions coming ever-so-loudly from the stroller about the time you are checking out of a department store.
Also, discuss privacy about body functions. Yes, it's all normal, I get that. This is just another way to raise the standard about the body being private. If we get a handle on this early, it helps the oversharing age of high school. Is it really classy to walk around school talking about "my ovaries are in pain this week"? I've heard this so much in school hallways! Let's teach our girls that this is not okay! 

Talk Real - Tell the truth. I had a mom call me once because her 2nd grader heard talk of "a girl putting her mouth on a boy's pee-pee". Mom panicked and lied. 2nd grade! I might have panicked, too. My 'go to' response at that age was "I'm so sorry she said that." Over and over.  When my first grader came home from school telling me she had heard from a friend that the teen star had taken nude photos of herself and texted them to her boyfriend, I just kept saying, "I'm so sorry she said that to you." Then, after the conversation kept going and questions kept coming, "Some people think that other people want to see a picture of other people's genitals. Those are private." By the end of the conversation, my then 7 year-old could just say, "That's so sad. I bet her daddy is sad." Amen.

For the middle/high schoolers: Be clinical. Use terms like "vaginal sex" in order to differentiate. I say this because teens will often reason that oral sex is not sex. So, be specific. When discussing oral sex (you should), it is mouth to genital contact. Remember, if you aren't specific, her buddy at school will be.
On this note, try not to freak out if your son or daughter uses a slang term that you do not approve of. Just correct it. "Yes, I do know what that is, and adults and mature teens would use the phrase 'oral sex' to describe the act of mouth to genital contact. The phrase you heard is slang and derogatory and not awesome."

Talk Purity - You can't be too pure. Raise the standard, here. Be extreme. Be radical in your fight for your child's purity! We must fight fire with fire! There is a war raging against purity! Remember those yay-hoos putting a bounty on Tim Tebow's virginity!? Aggh! I wrote about this before, read that post here. I just read it. Man, I was fired up! I just realized, too, that I am repeating myself a little. I guess I mean it. :)

Talk to your kids about the eyes being a gateway to the heart. Protect what they see and what they allow others to see of them.
This brings us to the issue of modesty. I have girls. It is not cute for young girls to be half dressed showing bellies and chest, period. These short skirts and tight everything... Good grief! I know you know when you are letting your daughter wear something sketchy. Be the parent. This is a hill worth dying on. Now, if your child wants to wear some style you don't love, but everything is covered up, maybe that's not a battle worth fighting. But, the covering up part--Non-negotiable. Again, this has all been said before, but we have to engage in battle here. You aren't going to be too pure.

That being said, I will not say "Modest is hottest" because that phrase makes me want to stick skewers in my ears. Our goal here is not to raise hot, young Christian women. My goal is not that my daughter would one day be someone's "smokin' hot wife", pass the skewers. My goal is that my heart and the heart of my girls be pure. That my children would not hinder their ability to follow Jesus completely. That they would not hinder your son's ability to follow Jesus completely. That my girls would be prepared for fantastic marriages.
Just this week, we were having a discussion with my girls about the Parent Class I taught. Spouse said, "Girls, what we want for you is a great marriage. We want your marriage to be the best it can be and teaching you girls to save sex for marriage is one of the ways we can help you prepare for it."

Talk Marriage -Marriage is awesome.We are not living in a culture that values marriage. Be very counter-culture in this area. As much as depends on you, honor the covenant of marriage. Be pro-family, pro-marriage, and pro-sex! :)

When discussing saving sexual activity until marriage, be sure to use language like "husband and wife", not just "man and woman". You want to plant those words deep. The world is hitting us all with 'friends with benefits' (I say 'friends with liabilities') and, at best, uses phrases like "when a man and woman love each other". No. Not "when a man and woman love each other", "when a man and woman get married" or "when a husband and wife". Set the standard for marriage extremely high, and discuss marriage and sex as a wonderful gift from the Lord. God created sex! Yay, God! Sex is for procreation and recreation within the covenant of marriage.

Sex is awesome.
You know what else is awesome? A milkshake is awesome. Milkshake on my lap? Not awesome. The milkshake is not intended to be in my lap. When a milkshake is in it's intended place, it's awesome. Drink up. Sex outside of it's intended context--marriage, is not awesome. It's less than awesome.

You know what else is awesome? A fire in a fireplace. A fire in a fireplace is warm, soothing, comfortable. A fire in the middle of the living room is destructive. Sex is the same way. Sex in it's intended context, marriage, is wonderful. Any sex outside of that is destructive and unhealthy.

These conversations do not have to (read: shouldn't) happen at one long sit down. These are intended to just give you some talking points to remember as opportunities arise. Movies, songs (my word, listen to the songs!) etc. 

We've made it to Part 2! Next up: Goals, Consequences, and Media. Wahoo!

You are the bravest parents and pre-parents ever!

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