Teachable Moment: The Unacceptable Swap.

Watching TV with my girls the other night, this commercial came on and presented a teachable moment in my living room.

http://youtu.be/Otanzby8Hn4

Yoplait 2013 Ad. 

At the end of the commercial, I waited about .02 seconds
for my girls to say anything.
They hesitated too long.
So I spoke up.

"Um. No. Just because one is a big ole pile of crap 

and the other is just a little turd, 

does not make this an acceptable swap."

Then they died.

Boom.

Teachable moment. Owned.

Had any awesome teachable moments like that?

Straight Talk About The Talk- Part 3

I know y'all have been on the edge of your seat. *grin*

Here's Part 3 of 4!

We've been talking about The Talk for a few weeks. You can catch up on Part 1 and Part 2, if you need to.


Talk Goals - When I was a traveling relationship educator (read: sex ed teacher), I was shocked at how many students had no clue how to set goals. We need to teach our children to keep their eyes on the prize! We need to use opportunities to teach them about delayed gratification. We can't always get what we want when we want it. This is completely contrary to the "Click Now" mentality our kids are saturated with! Allow your child the satisfaction of saving money for a new game, even if you can and want to buy it for them. Wait for things to go on sale. When you have to wait for something, talk about how great it is to have a fun experience after having to wait for a while.

Once these goals are set, it really will help you in many areas. For instance, your son sets a goal of lettering in high school basketball. Wonderful! In order to do that, grades will need to be just so, practices and conditioning will have to be priority, as well as other team responsibilities. 

This is usually a good time to discuss things that can derail your goals: an unintended pregnancy, a DUI, major distraction that causes grades to drop, etc. You get the idea. Then, when the question comes up about entering into 'relationship' with a girl, you revert back to the goals. Does being in a dating relationship help you achieve the goal of lettering in basketball? Let's talk about it. Often, he will talk himself right into the friend-zone. Boom.

Talk Consequences- Let's get the physical stuff out of the way, since that is the focus of the proponents of a Comprehensive Sex Ed approach, i.e. the abortion biz folks over at Planned Parenthood. 

So often, the only worrisome consequence of premarital sex is pregnancy. We have to teach our teens that pregnancy is NOT the worst thing that could happen. A baby is not a punishment! 

Depending on your teen, head on over to the CDC website, and see for yourself. If you are really brave, Google "gonorrhea" or "syphilis". (Graphic. Sad. Reality.) They can handle it.

Discuss real consequences. Don't wait for high school health class. You do it first! 

True story: A mom and I were discussing this and I suggested that she show her 14 year old daughter some of the CDC information and maybe some photos. Mom tells me that her daughter would be too squeamish and embarrassed to see the photos. My thought, "Wait. Didn't she watch Hunger Games?" That's a very violent, graphic movie! Hasn't this child seen PG-13 (possibly R) movies? We make concessions in the name of entertainment, and then get all concerned about damaging their innocent little eyes about the truth!? Honestly.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the movie. Don't hear that. My point is that this concern just doesn't jive. 

Physical consequences aside, share your heart's desire for your child with your child. Dig into the emotional side. I often say to my girls, "Girls, I don't want what is good for you. I want what is best for you. God wants even better than that for you." 

Waiting is always best. Always. There are emotional consequences attached to sex outside of marriage that no CDC photo can touch, emotional pain that no contraceptive or barrier can protect you from. 

You know your kid. You know how she is wired. You know what is going to connect. 

Trust yourself. Have the hard conversations.

Go for it.

Up next: All things Media. Media gets a post all on its own.

Straight Talk About The Talk- Part 1

Today, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of parents at my church about talking to their kids about their sexual purity. Naturally, it led to the updating and reposting of this blog from last summer. In true Melissa fashion, I added a lot, leading me to break it up into installments. It looks like there will be 4. Unless I add more. :)

In the least self-promoting way, because I believe in the message, I hope these become the most shared posts of all the Spouseisms posts.
Preparing our kids for a fulfilling, monogamous marriage is the ultimate Spouseism. :)

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Parents, Pre-Parents, Educators,

Let's talk about sex. :) (My blog hits just went from 5 to 10 just like that!)

It's time for a little straight talk about The Talk. 

It has to be done. And, as the 'Rents, you are the ones to do it. This business of expecting the I promise, there is no need to worry yourself to the point of hives, nor is there cause to bury your head in the proverbial sand! You can do this! There is, however, cause for you to take seriously the need to talk early and talk often with your kids about sex and the importance of saving all sexual activity until marriage.

Talk to God - Pray. Pray for your child's purity. Pray for what your child is exposed to outside of your presence. Pray that those you entrust with your kids would protect them from exposure to harmful media images. Pray that he would be blind to images that are preying on him. Pray for your child to see herself the way God sees her, a precious gift, purposed in this world to change the world. Pray for your child's future spouse. A really smart momma told me that she always prayed that her children's hearts would be asleep until God had the person to wake it up. Is that precious?!
Pray for these things with your child/teen. 

Bonus: It changes your relationship. Really. They see into your heart and truly believe that you don't want what's good for them, you want what God has for them.

Talk Early - With the Littles, use correct anatomical terms. Penis and vagina are not dirty words. Honestly, it's cute to hear a toddler say vagina. Mine said "sagina" and it was the best! You need to be comfortable saying these words and so do your children.
I explained it to my girls this way: pee-pee/penis or pee-pee/vagina are similar to sofa and couch. They mean the same thing. I gave several examples: chair/recliner, bike/bicycle...you get the idea. Children are not squeamish about saying a word like 'vagina' until they learn to be. Really, it's not a big deal--head, shoulders, knees, toes, penis. It's all about learning their 2000 'fearfully and wonderfully made' parts!

Talk Often - Talking about sex with your child is not a one-time deal. Use teachable moments. Media gives us plenty! Here's the deal, your kids WILL get a sex education. They can get it from NBC, government school, a Kardashian (Lord forbid it), the cool cousin, church, or YOU. I can not say this to enough Mommas: The first person to talk to your child about sex is the expert--Be the expert! 

I'm not saying oversaturate your kid with inappropriate sexual conversation, I'm just saying don't let the moments pass you by and don't wait for some special dinner. Just be casual. Never let 'em see you sweat.
You end up repeating some things and that's okay. Each time, new areas of conversation will come up. And, more details will come up. Don't wait for them to ask questions. By the time the questions come, they've been brewing. Stay ahead of 'em if you can.

I'd love to hear your stories and ideas. Let's help each other out here!
Do you use correct anatomical words in your house? Is this a subject area that causes you angst?

Upcoming Installments: Talk Privacy, Purity, Marriage, Goals, Consequences, Media. :)

Definition of a Bum. Updated.

This post was originally published last year as the first guest post my Spouse wrote. Several readers have referred back to it on occasion, so I thought it was worth a repost.

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While walking the streets of Downtown Houston it is not uncommon to encounter some of the many homeless who live on the streets in this city of more than four million people.  Melissa and I have found through conversations that they have names, stories, and life experiences.  

My girls and I have had extensive conversations about the love we can show to the homeless here in Houston: a conversation, a meal, or just acknowledging their existence.  

However, if I bring up the word “bum” my girls get a much different picture.

I often remember hearing people refer to homeless as “bums” when I was younger, but my definition is a little different than my dictionary app on my iPhone and this is what I teach my girls.   

“Bum”

-Noun

1.  Person who avoids work and sponges on others; loafer; idler

2. Over-enthusiast of a specific sport or recreational activity, especially one who gives it priority over work, family life, etc.

3.  An lazy, but able-bodied person

4.  A drunk

5. A selfish person

I want to make sure my girls and those in our college ministry understand 

what a bum looks like:

•       A bum is unwilling to support himself.  No job = bum.
•       A bum is too lazy to open the door for a woman.
•    A bum will put his physical desires ahead of what is best for a woman.
•       A bum leaves the trash can full of trash. Call me “old fashioned”, but a lazy man will have a woman taking out the trash and mowing the lawn.  I tell my girls, “You decide, do you see your mom having to do that?” ("Having" being operative word here.)
•       A bum spends a large portion of his time idle in front of a computer, television, or video game.   The IMB (International Mission Board) is sending more women than men into the harsh, dangerous areas of Africa because our 20 something boys refuse to put down the controller and become men.
•       A bum allows his hobbies or sports interests to consume his life. These things have or will become his idol and he will have no time to worship the true God or lead is family to worship.
•       A bum will allow family and work to take second seat to his ego and comfort.   A man who loves unselfishly will work whatever job it takes to support a family. 
•       A bum is incompetent in the handling of Scripture.  He cannot expect to lead biblically if he is illiterate himself.
•        A bum will allow alcohol to dilute his senses, leaving a woman to worry that he will not be in sober mind to both defend and protect her in any situation. 

Ladies,

·      Top three musts of a dateable man: 

• He must know and walk with Christ daily.
• He must have a drive to work and support his family no matter what that job may look like.
• He should be mentored by your dad or another strong Christian male figure in your life!    

God has a man for you, he is preparing his heart, but you will need to be patient in waiting on God.   Have men in your life, if not your father, that love you enough to identify a bum and believe them when they say it.

Paul described love best in 1 Corinthians 13 this way:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, and does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…. Vs 4-7

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reasoned like a child 

when I became a man, I did away with childish things.  Vs 11

A bum will look a lot like an overgrown child…

 mdh.

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Whew! Love it! I know there is somebody who needs this word!

Top 12 of 2012

A blog about blogs that I read suggested that bloggers repost a list of the most read blogs this year. This got me curious.

This was sort of a neat exercise, just to see what types of posts resonate with my people.

It says a lot about you readers, ya know. ;)

Here's the list of the 12 most read Spouseisms posts of 2012.


12.  Door. Closed. This was definitely in the top 3 worst days of 2012. A hard post to write and I didn't even like looking at it again just for this list.

11. Beautiful Singleisms. This is one that I hope readers share with some single folks.

10.  Straight Talk about THE Talk. This one, too. Talk to your kids before anyone else does.

9.  Paradox of Going and Leaving. Tough stuff.

8.  BIG BELIEFS, Little Beliefs. I wrote several of these "Beliefs" posts, but this one was the most read. I know why, too! Cause some of y'all straight up knew that somewhere in this post was the phrase "best sex"! Boom. Boost in readership right there. Just sayin'. I know what y'all are thinking!

7.  Revisitng Spouseisms for the Betrothed. Share them with newly and nearly married couples. Not everyone will agree with all, and that's okay. I still stand by them.

6.  Big C Church & Little c church. Loved this one.

5.  Spouseisms for the Betrothed See #7.

4.  Definition of a Bum. I dig when my Spouse writes.

3.  No Words. Whoa. Jesus showed up.

2.  Might + Should = Might Should Challenge to write for my friend over at Most Illustrious Mother.

1.   House Hunting as a Spaz. Our crazy search for a house was the most read? I don't know if I believe  it. Must be the wanna-be hackers. I had two random realtors post on my page. Gets on my blessed nerves.

So, there they are. Top 12.

Beautiful Singleisms

I've had several conversations (real-life ones, Twitter, text, all modern) with lovely, and I mean LOVELY, single, 20-somethings expressing their frustrations with singleness-related issues. One frustration in general resonated across the board: hearing that they are "too picky" when it comes to dating.

Now, y'all long-time readers know that these 20-somethings are of the Millennial Generation. 

They are my favorites. They had me at "social networking".  

Holy iPhone, Batman!  My heart is racing right now just thinking about 'em.

They are a motivated, take-action group and they are slated to be the most educated generation. They are world-changers. 

So, one of these motivated 20-somethings comes to you and says how hard it is to find someone that is "dateable" and how he/she is tired of hearing the "you're too picky" remark. What do you say?

Hold the phone. I've got a little something for ya. These little nuggets of goodness are gender-neutral, gender specific posts will follow. :) 

Singleisms:

• Know who you are. Know whose you are. 

• Embrace your singleness in Jesus's name.  Rock on for the glory of the Lord.

• Stop looking. Really. Stop trying to find someone dateable and be someone dateable.

• Remember, the purpose for dating is to find a suitable spouse. If there is a 'deal breaker', don't stick around.

• Travel. Really. You just should see as much of this world as you can afford. It seems unrelated to dating, but it's not. Seeing the world, its beauty, injustices, people, and cultures open your eyes to who YOU ARE, which enables you to see others differently.

• Expect a little less than perfection. No one is perfect. You may just be blessed enough to find someone perfect for you. This will likely be an opposite in many ways. Exhibit A: The Spouses.

• Determine the difference between flaws and deal breakers. For real. And, be willing to walk.

• Be slow to reject solely based on physical appearance or even a little awkwardness. You may reject in haste and miss a sweet friendship or more. Lunch or coffee is a quick 'date', little investment.

• Christian Singles: Dating is NOT, I repeat, NOT a mission field. Period. No. Exclamation!

• Do not believe everything you see on the Facebook. You already know this. Cause you're smarties. Speaking of Facebook, real voice conversations are important in dating. Call. Don't text, tweet, update, or message. Call. Like, dial the phone with the numbers.

• Let's not let Mr. or Ms. Right catch you being all sketchy with Mr. or Ms. Very Wrong. Don't waste your time. Plus, this never makes for a good wedding speech. 

• Ask yourself, "Am I picky or do I have high standards? Am I picky or prideful? What am I picky about?" Are you picky about qualities of a leader for your home or physique or finances? Having a high standard is good, you don't need to shop the clearance aisle, here. Being prideful or arrogant is a different story. Remember Gaston from Beauty and the Beast? Eww. 

{Google Images}

• If you hang out at bars/clubs on the prowl looking for a hook-up, stop reading my blog. Just stop.

• Seek mature, godly counsel from someone who doesn't want good for you, but that wants best for you. Someone that has no vested interest in your dating life. Read: no attraction on either of your parts. Then, ponder the counsel. Their perspective is likely not as clouded as yours may be.

• Pray for the one you aren't dating, yet. Pray for the one you may not have even met yet. Your attitude will change when you know you are praying for your future spouse in specific ways. Pray for his/her family, education, manners, salvation, physical health, walk with Jesus, purity, etc.

• Don't live like you're waiting. Live like you're living. Live on purpose.

Bottom line: You deserve God's very best. So does your future spouse.

What do you think? Are you a single, 20-something?
If you aren't, what would you say to a single, 20-something about picky dating?