Touchdowns & Kisses

Floyd Casey Stadium. Photo credit: My Spouse!

Spouse and I recently learned of a Texas A&M football tradition that is way better than any drinking game you can learn on any number of typical college campuses.

Last weekend, we went to the Baylor University homecoming game with some of our closest, sweetest friends. Joe is a Baylor alumnus, so we all decided to meet up in Waco for the weekend's festivities. Baylor had scored maybe their second touchdown when Joe let us know their football tradition that they had carried on from our other friends and former pastor & wife, Michael & Liliana.

Evidently, Michael & Liliana kiss each time their team scores at a football game.
We adopted this little tradition faster than you can say, "Gig Em!".

<<I realize in Bear Country, they say "Sic Em Bears!" and I did. Happily. But, I learned that this sweet little kissy tradition came from Aggie Nation. My friends lived in Austin for several years, and apparently caught this vision and brought it to Plant City, Florida! I love it. The point is the "game", not the origin.

So, "Whoop!" or "Gig Em!" or "Sic Em" Whichever! This is a great Tex-tradition! >>

This sweet couple just took a cool college tradition and turned it into a marriage game.

Husbands & Wives, this is brilliant on so many levels.

It's fun. Football games & sporting events in general are fun. Little traditions like this just add to it. Marriage is not a burden to us, my Spouse is not a burden. We enjoy being together and an appropriate little smooch just expresses it. Listen. You can High-Five anybody, even strangers on the row behind you, but kissing at every 'score' (See what I did there?) takes that celebration to a whole 'nother level with your spouse! (That last prepositional phrase is there for a reason, Kids.) (I have a lot of younger readers.) (I'm not saying all kisses have to happen within marriage, but it wouldn't hurt.)

It's unifying. I hope that's a real word. There's not red squiggly underneath it, so I'm going with it. During that whole game, Debra and I were chatting away and solving all the world's problems. But, when Baylor scored, we turned and kissed our husbands! Heyyyy! It was just a little trigger to bring our attention back to our men for just a brief second. Don't you know they loved that junk!?

It edifies marriage. Our culture is not pro marriage. As Christians, we have to be counter-cultural in every way we can, and this accomplishes that in a non-confrontational way. As much as depends on you, be pro marriage! (You do not have to be married to be pro marriage.)

It's a good example. My kids watch our marriage intently. If we've done nothing else right, these girls see that their parents are into each other. Being affectionate (appropriately) in front of the kids is healthy. Then, lock the door.

It honors God. I just have to believe that God is thrilled every time Michael & Liliana share a little marital moment at football games. He designed marriage. He created us for physical intimacy and He created us to enjoy life. When all these things come together, the Lord smiles. I just know it.

Incidentally, the final score was 71-7, Baylor. That's a good start to this newly adopted tradition.

Do you have any fun little traditions like this?

Climb to the 'summit' of Enchanted Rock? Kissies!

PS- Listen. I'm pretty sure I just made up that every time a husband and wife share a kiss, a pegasus gets its wings. Do you really want to be responsible for wingless pegasi (also made up) running around?

Gettin' a Grip. Marriage Edition.

The other day, Spouse and I were holding hands in the car and I just had to snap this picture:

While it's not really an artistically beautiful photograph, it is a disturbingly accurate likeness of our marriage. 

Notice that we are gripping on. By God's grace, we are both gripping at the same time right now; although, I would be lying if I told you that it's always been this way. If not for sheer determination to continue gripping when the other wasn't, we would be any number of marriage statistics: divorced, separated, in a lifeless, miserable marriage, incarcerated, singing Cher songs to drown our misery...who knows? 

Those times of not gripping come from a variety of places. There have been times of selfishness that have left us doing nothing but holding on to ourselves. There have been weeks and months of holding on to babies. These seasons are not necessarily for lack of desire to grip, they may simply be a reflection of urgency rather than importance. I know of semi-recent times periods that left me so exhausted that my grip just wasn't very strong--I just didn't have the strength. What I also know is that the Lord gave my Spouse extra-strength so that he could grip for the both of us.  I am so grateful for this season of grippin' together.

Notice we both have cuts. Oh, Sweet Reader, do we. We showed up to this party with quite a few cuts. We've cut each other. When things were really ugly, we aimed for the old cuts. We were a good aim. Not awesome. Oh, but by His wounds we are healed.  Nothing but grace, People. No longer do we want to go for blood. We want healing and growth and togetherness.

Notice the regular background. It's a regular car and a regular phone charger and regular jeans. Nothing that screams "Extraordinary!" This is very much our now. Regular. Schooling. Cleaning. Regular. Working. Swim. Gymnastics. Regular. 

2013 doesn't look a thing like 2012 and feels sometimes quite mundane. But, we are doing it. 

And, honestly, it's hilarity amidst the mundane. We laugh a lot. 

Notice that the gripping is intentional. The background might look boring, but we are doing the thing.  I mean, look at me, for the love of Tetris! I'm gripping his thumb like a joystick. On purpose! 

We are purposeful about our Jesus, our marriage, our parenting and our home. In. That. Order. 

It was not always this way. Grace. Just grace.

And, that's the picture of us gettin' a grip.

Sometimes that's all you can do, isn't it? 

Get a grip.

Seeing Is Believing.

For seventeen blessed days, the longest consecutive stretch since the 8th grade, I have been wearing glasses. Cutesy as they are, I don't love wearing glasses all the time. This little spell of wearing spectacles was in preparation for LASIK.
I've been coveting LASIK for several years, so when Spouse said, "Book it!" I did!
  

Here's a few pics Spouse was able to catch:

Let's do the thang.
I was pumped. I believe like a Reebok in1991.

I wasn't nervous, but they gave me Valium anyway. Ok, then.

The whole procedure took only about 10 minutes or so. It was weird, I could sort of see the doctor brushing on my eye, and I was asking him questions. At one point, he asked, "How are you doing, Melissa?" I said, "Me? Listen. How are YOU doing?" It was fun. Not as fun as a pedicure, but fun to be chatty while tools are in my eyeball. 

Done!

So, I got off of that table, got some more drops in my eyes and Spouse took me home. 

In true Melissa-fashion, I didn't start my drops in the car as instructed. I figured I'd just wait til I got home. Also, in true Melissa-fashion, I paid the stupid tax. This time the stupid tax due was in the form of pain, burning, and pain. The Miley Cyrus eye-skewers I wanted couldn't have been this bad. Spouse managed to get drops in my eyes, somehow, because I couldn't even open my eyes. I'm guessing the Valium was working, too, because I was perfectly cray. I remember saying, "Call em. Call the doctor and tell them it burns. Nobody said it burns!" Never mind that my cornea flap had just been opened and a laser beamed in my eye, no one had mentioned burning. Bless. He just called the doctor and laughed at my fool shenanigans. Anyway, I took some Tylenol PM and I passed out. I slept for 4 hours, woke up ravenous and I could see!! Crazy!

Also, knowing this opportunity may never come again, I took more Tylenol-PM and went back to sleep. I'm pretty sure I slept 16 of 30 hours. This is known as WINNING, Kids. 

Because I am a chronic over-sharer and a total nut-case, I give you this beauty:

I have to wear these when I sleep for a week. They aren't uncomfortable,
believe it or not, but they are the most heinous-looking contraceptives ever.

When I woke up, my little friend,Sara, had left me a love note. Sara served as chauffer on Thursday & Friday while Spouse was tending to me.  She speaks my Love Language. 

Three days later and my eyeballs look like I burst blood vessels giving birth to septuplets, but I can see! I'm still on a strict eye-drop regimen for several more days, but I can see! One of the eye-drops makes my eyes look like I put milk in them, but I can see! I feel a little itchy, but I can see! I can't wear make up for a few more days, but I can see!

As promised, this post was written with 20/20 vision without glasses or contacts! This is one of those times I really thank the Lord for the miracles of modern medicine! It is amazing! I would do it again, for sure.

Weekend "Camping" & Marriage Test.

We called ourselves camping this weekend. I use this term very loosely. 

Judge all you want: the weather in Houston was heavenly. It was fun and relaxing and no one had to sleep on the ground. Win.

Bought this after we went camping at the beach. Very used, very old, very adequate.
The other side has a push out for the dining table, too.
Look how perfectly that sucker is backed on to that slab. *See below*

There was corn hole.

There were hot dogs. Bun length. All beef. This is important in our house.

There were chips and selfies.

It was rough around breakfast.

There was snuggling with the new "M",  Maverick. 

There were microwave smores.

We Bananagrammed.

We UNO'd.

It was too lovely not to be outside and these girls are adorbies.

Ridiculous. This is first thing in the morning.

Then, in true Spouse fashion, he decided to put down new flooring in the camper. It looks magnificent!

Workin' man.

Oh, my goodness. So much improvement.

It has been a truly wonderful weekend for The Spouses and The Sisters. I hope yours has, too!
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On Friday afternoon, I posted on Twitter & Facebook:

A true test of a marriage is the ability to back a camper/RV 

into its lot and still be on speaking terms when finished.

Is this not so true?!

<<Note: This was not AT ALL about Spouse and me. Honestly. I didn't even help him back it in. Big Sister did. I wasn't even there yet. By the time Little Sister and I got there, it was nearly done. Also, he's very patient about this sort of thing.>> 

Have you ever listened to a couple do this? Or a couple at the boat ramp? It can be funny or not at all.
My friend, Matt, commented on Twitter that he thinks premarital counseling should involve a canoe trip. Bah! Yes!! So true.

Spouse and I paddled the paddle boards from Fort DeSoto to Egmont Key once. Once. It wasn't pretty. The channel was not easy paddling and it took a long time. There was boat traffic, wind, and hunger. Maybe hunger. Maybe hanger. I can't be sure, I think I blacked it out. Except for the part about Spouse should have gone to marital counseling while I got something to eat. I remember that well.

What about you? Any home improvement projects put you over the edge? Night time feedings?

What are some of your "tests" in marriage?

Spouses: Here's the Story....

On the occasion, someone will ask me why I call my Spouse “Spouse”.  Today is a perfect day to share!

It all started seventeen short years ago, on March 16, 1996 in a little country church in Florida and two very young & blissfully ignorant individuals. You can read a little more about that in last year’s anniversary post here. 

(I just read it. It's way better than this one, & it wasn't written on I-10. Yes. It's a glamorous life.)

So, we had this wedding. It was small and very cheesy by today’s Pinterest standards. I loved my dress. Our cake was the coolest: individual, stand-alone tiers topped with dolphins in lieu of those little dolls or chubby little Precious Moments people. We were all about simple. Less is more. I had two of my (still) very best friends on the earth stand up with me and that was that.

The wedding was fun, the honeymoon was grand and then it was over.

Then.

Then came all that name-change paperwork: Social Security, Driver’s License, utilities, bank, HR at work, etc.

A bunch of hassle. There wasn’t all this online “Edit Your Profile” jazz. This was “Complete this section in blue or black ink” kind of jazz.

“Your name. Spouse’s name”.

“Your name. Spouse’s name”.

“Your name. Spouse’s name”.

Over and over.

Somewhere along the way, the joke was, “Look. You are just the ‘second line’. The spouse.” It was in good fun and not at all disrespectful. So, it just stuck. We referred to one another as “Spouse”.

Lest we keep a term of endearment to ourselves, our friends started calling Mark “Spouse”, too! Too fun.

Well, why stop there?

Our people called us “The Spouses”.

A few years ago, I found myself offering quite the bit of unsolicited marriage advice. :) (All in the name of love and fun.) Spouse would share his two rules for woman-care: “Never let ‘em get tired or hungry.” (All in the name of love and man.)

These little nuggets would become known as “Spouseisms”, which you are reading!

So, there it is.

And, I'd do it again.
The cheesy wedding. The cake. The dress.
The Spouse.

Do y’all have any cutesy names?

Definition of a Bum. Updated.

This post was originally published last year as the first guest post my Spouse wrote. Several readers have referred back to it on occasion, so I thought it was worth a repost.

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While walking the streets of Downtown Houston it is not uncommon to encounter some of the many homeless who live on the streets in this city of more than four million people.  Melissa and I have found through conversations that they have names, stories, and life experiences.  

My girls and I have had extensive conversations about the love we can show to the homeless here in Houston: a conversation, a meal, or just acknowledging their existence.  

However, if I bring up the word “bum” my girls get a much different picture.

I often remember hearing people refer to homeless as “bums” when I was younger, but my definition is a little different than my dictionary app on my iPhone and this is what I teach my girls.   

“Bum”

-Noun

1.  Person who avoids work and sponges on others; loafer; idler

2. Over-enthusiast of a specific sport or recreational activity, especially one who gives it priority over work, family life, etc.

3.  An lazy, but able-bodied person

4.  A drunk

5. A selfish person

I want to make sure my girls and those in our college ministry understand 

what a bum looks like:

•       A bum is unwilling to support himself.  No job = bum.
•       A bum is too lazy to open the door for a woman.
•    A bum will put his physical desires ahead of what is best for a woman.
•       A bum leaves the trash can full of trash. Call me “old fashioned”, but a lazy man will have a woman taking out the trash and mowing the lawn.  I tell my girls, “You decide, do you see your mom having to do that?” ("Having" being operative word here.)
•       A bum spends a large portion of his time idle in front of a computer, television, or video game.   The IMB (International Mission Board) is sending more women than men into the harsh, dangerous areas of Africa because our 20 something boys refuse to put down the controller and become men.
•       A bum allows his hobbies or sports interests to consume his life. These things have or will become his idol and he will have no time to worship the true God or lead is family to worship.
•       A bum will allow family and work to take second seat to his ego and comfort.   A man who loves unselfishly will work whatever job it takes to support a family. 
•       A bum is incompetent in the handling of Scripture.  He cannot expect to lead biblically if he is illiterate himself.
•        A bum will allow alcohol to dilute his senses, leaving a woman to worry that he will not be in sober mind to both defend and protect her in any situation. 

Ladies,

·      Top three musts of a dateable man: 

• He must know and walk with Christ daily.
• He must have a drive to work and support his family no matter what that job may look like.
• He should be mentored by your dad or another strong Christian male figure in your life!    

God has a man for you, he is preparing his heart, but you will need to be patient in waiting on God.   Have men in your life, if not your father, that love you enough to identify a bum and believe them when they say it.

Paul described love best in 1 Corinthians 13 this way:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, and does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…. Vs 4-7

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reasoned like a child 

when I became a man, I did away with childish things.  Vs 11

A bum will look a lot like an overgrown child…

 mdh.

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Whew! Love it! I know there is somebody who needs this word!

Valentines, Motown, Jesus.

{source}
My kinda Valentine: sandy.

As far as I remember, Spouse and I haven't really gone overboard for Valentine's Day. He's not really the oogly- googly type and all I see is dollar $ign$. :) I'd rather get unprompted Oakley or Adidas paraphernalia  on a random Tuesday or Bruce Springsteen's birthday- he was Born in the USA on September 23, 1949, Kids- than candy I don't need on February 14th.
(Not an advertisement, by the way, that's just what came out of my fingers.)

It's funny now, though, because my girls care about it. They like to see that Daddy romances Mom and Maddy-ever the wife-in-training- would likely express great disappointment if Spouse were to blow it off completely.

Their investment is mostly commercial, for sure; we've spent very little discussion time on historical significance. I should probably do that--if nothing more than for a little cultural literacy. I read that the martyred saint would allow soldiers to marry. I'm pretty sure Geoffrey Chaucer (I know you are picturing Paul Bettany right now.) was the one to bring some romance to what before was a day of remembrance to the saint. I'm totally talking out of my bum here, so feel free to correct me. Any of you actually good homeschool mom/teacher types know a good website for reputable info?

Anyhow, it is crazy that with very little television, they've picked up on the traditions of the holiday.
I admit, Spouse and I are quick to label holidays like this "Hallmark Days" and not participating, but it is important to use these opportunities as talking points with our not-so-little girls who are watching our marriage and no doubt dreaming of a One Day. I shudder.

{a pinterest pic}

So, as we are struggling through the construction of our Valentines Boxes for the parties, we can crank up some Motown Radio on Pandora and chat it up. Motown offers great, even biblical talking points on our current holiday season.

• What Becomes of the Broken Hearted? Jimmy Ruffin. 
• Who are the unloved in our world? The forgotten? What can we do? 
• "Whatever you did for the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40
• Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing, Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell
• "We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19
• R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Aretha Franklin
• "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." Colossians 3:20
• Ain't No Mountain High Enough, Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell
• "For I am convinced that neither life nor death, nor angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39 (This one was too easy. Too easy.)
• Tracks of My Tears, Smokey Robinson
• "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4
• Wonderful World, Sam Cooke
• Remember this one: Don't much about history, don't know much biology...
• "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3

Alright, go ahead. Get your Motown jam on.

Happy Valentine's Day!

 Vintage Baseball Valentines. I dont' know the source, but it is too cute.
Happy Valentine's Day to a sweet young man, JB in PC. I would watch baseball for you. 

BIG BELIEFS, Little Beliefs

I believe...

Everybody's got a story. 

If and when and to whom they choose to tell it is theirs to decide, 

but rest assured, everybody's got one.

The Granthams put the noble in nobility.
Downton Abbey, Friends. I'm totally drinking the tea.

It's good to be known.

This is what nostalgia looks like:

Have a soft spot for the Frogskins.
Spouse bought me my first pair in high school. Awwee.

Boys need the opportunity to 'give chase' in a dating relationship. 

They need it, Girls. Make 'em work a bit. ;) (And by boys, I mean men.)

Chocolate milk never goes out of style.

Love is a decision.

The biggest lie about homeschooling: you need patience to do it. 

Ba. Ha. Ha.

"Kickin' it old school" needs to be more than a pop-culture phrase. 

We need to get back to some old ways of thinkin' and livin'.

Divorce is the easy way out. 

(Most of the time.)

Dimples are cuter on a baby's bottom than mine.

My Blender Bottle makes me feel so fine. It keeps me rockin' all of the time.
(Red, Red Wine. Neil Diamond to UB40 to Bob Marley.)  

Texas is nothing like I thought it would be. 

It's way better. It's the people. I'm all about the people.

A rainy day nap is just further evidence of God's favor on me.

Parents should use every social network that their kids use.
This is not just for safety, that's a no-brainer. This is also to teach social networking "social skills". 
For example: Do not "like" your own photos or comments, 
do not "like" every. single. photo. that your friend posts,
do not post requests for texts, do not air family private business, etc.

Prayer is powerful.

Parenting is a multitude of split-second decisions that only end at adult-thirty.

You never get too old or too godly to do something stupid.

Sunshine is the best form of Vitamin D.

The answer to leadership issues, family issues, injustice, social issues, and government is Jesus.

What do you believe? Any of these resonate?
I love to hear from readers.

This Is War.

                                                       

**Disclaimer: Adult-Only Post.**

If you are under the age of, say 18, show this to your momma right now.

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A few days ago, a friend and I were shopping with my girls when I spotted these gift books called "Porn for Women".
These are little gift books and coupon books depicting buff looking men doing household chores, changing diapers, cooking, etc. It looks like they've been around a while, but I'm just noticing.

All photos are copyrighted material by Cambridge Women's Pornography Cooperative. All credit goes to them and whatnot.

Sounds fab, right?! 

Listen, my Love Language is Acts of Service, so I can certainly appreciate the beauty of a man that knows how to handle a mop. I heart this. There are few things more lovely than my Spouse unloading a dishwasher or putting away laundry.

Now, the books in this series, as far as I can tell, are not pornographic in the sense that there is nudity other than the occasional male bare chest.

Still, let us define pornography, shall we?

Dictionary.Com defines pornography as "obscene writings, drawings, photographs, or the like, especially those having not artistic merit."

The New World Dictionary defines it a bit differently:
--n
1. writings, pictures, films, etc, designed to stimulate sexual excitement.
2. the production of such material.

"Designed to stimulate sexual excitement."

I get that these books are sort of tongue in cheek. I understand that they are for fun. The books depict men doing helpful household chores. These acts of service are encouraging, supportive, and helpful. Yay for encouraging, supporting and being helpful! It is essentially the nonchalant use of the word porn that I have such issue with.

According to the site Porn Harms,

America is suffering an untreated pandemic of harm from pornography. According to many studies, children and adults are developing life-long addictions to pornography; American children begin consuming hardcore pornography at an average age of 11 and act out what they see on siblings, neighbors, and friends; four out of five 16 year-olds regularly access pornography online; growing numbers of men in their twenties are developing “porn-induced sexual dysfunction;” girls consuming pornography are several times more likely to engage in group sex than those who do not; 56% of divorces now cite Internet pornography as a factor in the breakup of the marriage. More on harm can be found at PornHarmsResearch.com.

Make no mistake, we are at war with the porn industry. War. 

Books like this, seemingly harmless, just desensitize us to porn and we momentarily smile, maybe chuckle, and forget that pornography is destructive. I remember when my friend, Joy, first told me that the use of the words pimp and pimping as compliments was so dangerous. 

Pimps are slave-owners. They are criminals who beat, starve, and sell our brothers and sisters and we should have never allowed the phrase "pimp my ride" to fly. Pornography even  perpetuates the slave trade. We can't say that porn is helpful in relationships, but modern slavery is wrong. They work together. We can't let anything about pornography be fun or positive or anything less than an abomination.

We can't.
We no longer have the luxury of nonchalance when it comes to unhealthy sexual practices.
We no longer have the luxury of just shrugging things off as 'in fun'.
We no longer have the luxury or the right to 'lighten up'. (A phrase I detest, by the way.)

We need to call pornography what it is: a tool by your enemy and mine meant to destroy you and me, our families and children.

We are at war. This is a battle. This is how I fight it.

But you, Man of God, flee from all this, and pursue 
righteousness, godliness, faith, love, 

endurance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. 
Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called 

when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 

1 Timothy 6:11-12

Top 12 of 2012

A blog about blogs that I read suggested that bloggers repost a list of the most read blogs this year. This got me curious.

This was sort of a neat exercise, just to see what types of posts resonate with my people.

It says a lot about you readers, ya know. ;)

Here's the list of the 12 most read Spouseisms posts of 2012.


12.  Door. Closed. This was definitely in the top 3 worst days of 2012. A hard post to write and I didn't even like looking at it again just for this list.

11. Beautiful Singleisms. This is one that I hope readers share with some single folks.

10.  Straight Talk about THE Talk. This one, too. Talk to your kids before anyone else does.

9.  Paradox of Going and Leaving. Tough stuff.

8.  BIG BELIEFS, Little Beliefs. I wrote several of these "Beliefs" posts, but this one was the most read. I know why, too! Cause some of y'all straight up knew that somewhere in this post was the phrase "best sex"! Boom. Boost in readership right there. Just sayin'. I know what y'all are thinking!

7.  Revisitng Spouseisms for the Betrothed. Share them with newly and nearly married couples. Not everyone will agree with all, and that's okay. I still stand by them.

6.  Big C Church & Little c church. Loved this one.

5.  Spouseisms for the Betrothed See #7.

4.  Definition of a Bum. I dig when my Spouse writes.

3.  No Words. Whoa. Jesus showed up.

2.  Might + Should = Might Should Challenge to write for my friend over at Most Illustrious Mother.

1.   House Hunting as a Spaz. Our crazy search for a house was the most read? I don't know if I believe  it. Must be the wanna-be hackers. I had two random realtors post on my page. Gets on my blessed nerves.

So, there they are. Top 12.