On Doing a New Thing or Three

Hello? Hello? *tap, tap*

Testing. 1, 2, 3.

Oh, yay. You're there. Thank you for your patience. 

I contemplated telling you we've been experiencing technical difficulties, but then I might as well put accelerant right in the yoga pants I'm wearing.  

So, I'm glad you're here. 

I've got a few things to bring you up to speed on. I know it isn't gonna happen in one post, so I'll just tell you a few *new* things I did these past few weeks. Doing new things is something I mostly love. I mean, not the new thing of a mammogram, but meeting new people, going new places...you get the idea. 

Honeymoon Island.
The End.

A New Thing

Since we moved back to Florida, an EXACT YEAR AGO, (For the love of Jack Johnson, I can not believe it's been a year!) Spouse and I have really enjoyed Instagramming our little town and the beachy loveliness all around us. Through social media hashtags and our photog friend, Stephanie, I connected with a group of creatives through the Cleargram community. This past week, there was a "meet up" in my little downtown. So fun! So, I went! It was so fun walking around, chatting with an amazingly diverse group of people, and getting creative tips.
The evening began and ended at a fun little local spot with my Spouse, excellent wings, a drum circle and great strangers I "met" online, and I only got one great picture. Just one. (Like that's not good enough.) That's what the group is about!
Of course, Spouse got a cool one, too. Whatever. Anyway.
Talk about a new thing. Strangers from the inter webs.
And a few of them, I would have taken home in a heart beat. For sure. Love.

Dennis.

Another New Thing. 

In a total impulsive move, I bought a treadmill on Craigslist last month. It had rained for 40 days and 40 nights here (OK, maybe like 3 weeks, but whatever) and I needed something. So, I bought a treadmill for $85. Then, a few weeks later, I remembered that I don't really love a treadmill. Plus, I really would love a foosball table for my downstairs big room. So I listed it back on Craigslist. For $125. And I got it. Ha! I Googled the potential buyer, and found him on Linked In. I determined he wasn't a WhackaDoo and gave him my cell. Plus, my sweet neighbors agreed to be my Security Team. They came over and secured me and fixed the treadmill I thought I broke. I made $40 on a Craiglist purchase. Total new thing! Yay me! And yay! Spouse for driving me to pick it up to begin with! Hashtag marriage.

The two in the front here are my neighbors
that I wish the whole world could meet. 

The Biggest New Thing

Well. This is a dadgum doozie. I went to my first high school orientation as a parent. Well, not exactly. We had a little unconventional adoption back in '98 that I'll have to tell you about at another time. This was my first high school orientation as a parent of a biologically born child. We have homeschooled since 2009. 

'"The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace."'
Numbers 6:24-26

Tomorrow TOMORROW!!! will be our first First Day of School in 7 years. (We started January '09.) We love homeschooling. No doubt. But, ya know what? We loved our public school! LOVED IT! There was not a single reason to leave except for a specific calling from Jesus. We knew it. And I was scared/sad/excited/ etc. I loved my little community of that elementary school and I left it! And we have loved homeschooling. Loved it. Home education is not broken in our home. Know that, precious reader. Not broken. We might do it again. But, for the Big Sister, attending a local Christian High School is a new adventure. It is something that we have prayed over  and decided for her and WITH her for this season. It may be a year or two or four. We don't know. 

I just need you people to understand one thing:

MY CHILD IS GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL TOMORROW!

I'm so excited for her. She is filled with the Spirit of the Living God. I have assurance of that. She is an excellent student. And this will be hard. Hard academically, physically (early mornings!!), and even spiritually (she's gonna be tested a bit). This kid is up for the challenge. And her Jesus is BIG.

There you have it.
A few NEW THINGS I've done.

"The past events have indeed happened.
Now I declare new events;
I announce them to you before they occur."
Isaiah 42:9

Did you do anything new this week?

PS: I'll update more on this high school biz asap. We've celebrated & counted down pretty big. :))

5 Things Homeschoolers Do That Are Not Awesome

I love, love, love the homeschooling community. Love it. These are some of the most inclusive bunch of independents you'll ever meet. Most of us love to include newbies and prospectives in our lives and convince them "You can do it! But only if you want to!" And it will look different than any other homeschool.
"You can!" is our motto. Patience is not a prerequisite! Someone say, "Amen!" Right now. Say it!

Also, homeschoolers, by and large, have a bit of a rebellious streak, a quality you need in order to go against the grain and I dig that junk. It takes guts to do life differently than the norm. Again. I dig that in people. A lot of homeschoolers parent well, too. They aren't perfect, but they are doing the hard stuff and that's worth something in my book. I'm not talking about parenting the way I do. I mean parenting their way, well.
People takin' Deuteronomy 6 seriously? I'm all about it.

But, let me tell you something. There are some thangs about my own kind that are just not awesome. And, I'm man enough to look inward and call us out on the screen for it! (It's a short list; most of what homeschoolers do is on the pro-awesome list.)

~Unschooling.
I'm just gonna come on out with a bang here. Fire the cannons. I know my deal is that I just don't understand it, but I just don't understand it! I am a pretty relaxed homeschooler. As in, our schedule is quite flexible. Hellerr!? Homeschool perk. But, I just can't go lettin' these yayhoos direct their learnin'! (Ya like that? Stellar writing.) They would direct their learning to Netflix! Now, when they were little, we were more flexible with this, for sure. They got all into horses, we did a unit study on horses. But, I still directed the process. I guess that was unschooling, but as they get older and college preparatory material, we've got to cover some historical facts that they would never "direct" themselves to. No on the unschooling here. Yes, on the relax.

Frankie says "Relax. Don't do it."
You clicked the link, didn't you?

~Not telling the ugly truth.
I've said before, I have made it my goal to put it out there. The good, the bad, & the ugly of homeschooling. Yes, homeschooling has been great for our family, and I'm grateful for it. Most days. But, I'm not going to paint this serene picture of peace-filled schooling every day for five years now. There have been more than a few days when I would've let these students be schooled by the Manson family. I don't believe that has one thing to do with homeschooling. That is a result of a houseful of sinners living under the same roof. (Church word alert: Sinners- those who are born selfish, temperamental, prideful, mouthy, prone to anger, & otherwise jacked up. Ex., your writer.)
That said, it gets more and more peaceful the longer we do it and the girls get older. The early days years? Yah. I quit every month.

I just think this is hilarious. Plus, are his glasses the cutest?!

~DEFENSE! DEFENSE!
Why are we so defensive about homeschooling? People are curious about homeschooling as a lifestyle. There are still folks (in Texas, no less) that aren't even sure homeschooling is legal! I have straight up seen with my very own corrected eyes mommas get a total panty wad over someone asking genuine questions about homeschooling. "How do they take the STAAR test?" is not the same as asking, "Is your kid too stupid for public school?" Be gracious. Good Lord, just like people. Come to think of it, this probably isn't a homeschool thing. Just a personality issue. These are probably the same people that complain about food and service and restaurants all the time. GAH! I can't deal.

Moving on...

~"Oh, Alexander Graham would be in 7th grade, but he's really a junior in high school." Listen. Listen. Listen, Linda. (I crack myself up.) I know, as homeschoolers, we tend to be a little non-conformist. I love it. But, when you sign Alexander Graham up for co-op or Sunday School or whatever, if he is the age of a 7th grader, he's in 7th grade. Tell him to humble himself and answer truthfully when someone asks him what grade he is in: 7th grade. Unless he's Doogie freakin' Houser and has a degree to prove it, he can hang with the peasants his own age every now and again. Also, if you or Doogie are always having to tell people how smart, mature, gifted, gag he is, he probably isn't as gag as you think. If he is, in fact, as wicked smaht (#BostonStrong) and mature as y'all think, the rest of us are smart enough to figure it out and make adjustments accordingly. Let other people notice the mature prodigy you are raising and offer to "promote", if that's even the right word.

POTUS or Doogie. Either will work. :)

~Being apathetic to current events, news, even some pop culture & trends.
I'm all for not assimilating to the culture. I get standing apart and all that biblical language. But to brag about not knowing about world events is just...Jerky McGavin. You shouldn't brag about not knowing about special elections or current news, you should apologize for it. I've had to do it. "Oh, goodness. I have not heard anything about that. I have been so self involved lately that I haven't seen or read a bit of news. What is going on with that?" Also, I have to chuckle when someone who uses social media (!!) claims not to know Harry Connick, Jr. is a judge on American Idol. Shut it. I'm calling Bull Honky. I get that you are trying to avoid all things "idol" cause it's a Commandment and all, but do not think for a split second that I believe you use Facebook and didn't know that jazz. See what I did there?

Anyway. That's it. If I say any more things that get on my nerves I'll be talking about the junk that goes on just outside this bedroom door. Ha! Like none of these goes on in this house!? Psshaw.

What about your own kind gets your goat?

The Purge

What's your policy on purging the books?
Is it like other things in the house?
If you haven't used it for six months or a year or whatever that rule is, it goes?

As a mom, a teaching mom specifically, I feel a bit differently about the books. Our home is our classroom, so having a personal library is quite convenient. But, I want space! What with all the Googles available and Kindle and our frequent library trips, I'm just not sure that it's necessary to have shelved books-a-plenty AND boxed books in closets?

I am perpetually gearing up to down-size our living quarters. (That's another post.) If that's the case, we have got to get rid of some of this jazz. We have a generally healthy keep/purge attitude, but the books are different.

And, for the love of Beth Moore what about my completed Bible Study books? I've asked this question before, couldn't decide, so they are still boxed. Moore, Smalley, Chapman, Blackaby. Really. My discernment is off kilter here.

Side Note: Could we stop writing gift notes in books? I've done this myself on a few occasions and I always have this internal struggle. Practically speaking, the new owner may want to give it away or consign it. But, our pearls of wisdom have tainted it with names and signatures and birthday wishes. Is it really necessary to go all Animal Kingdom on it and mark our territory?
Let's all just stop.


Love!
Melissa

PS-- I'm gonna be brave. I'm committing to a thirty-book purge. We will talk about pictures later. 

PPS--If you publish a book, and you DEDICATE the book to me, this is not the same is writing in it. Thank you.

The Cell.

We have been Science-heavy here in this little homeschool lately. When I'm in charge of Science, we may or may not actually do a project. If it's super messy, we've been known to MythBuster that sucker or visit the YouTube Lab. Grinning. 

I would rather read about it and discuss it or write it up.

That confession confessed, I realize that I may not be the best option for the Sciences. When the option is available, I farm it out. Having outside classes has worked well for us; we prefer a more university-style, attending class once or twice a week and most of the work being at home. This year, I farmed out Apologia General Science to a teacher who loves Jesus and points to our Creator in every aspect of Science. It's been an asset to our homeschool.

Until it wasn't. 

It wasn't so brilliant when the Big Sister came home with the assignment to build a Cell Model. She put in she wanted to make a cookie cell model. 

What?! 

I seriously considered withdrawing her from the class. No joke.

The penalty for early withdrawal is 2 months tuition. Blech.

After a little research Pinterest, I found a few edible 

cell models that didn't make me want to cut myself.

I made the student read over several of them, cause this "is not my project, Little Girl. It's on you. I'll be your supplier and cheerleader." Laughing. But, really. 

I still ended up having to give step-by-step instructions for most of this jazz.

So, here it is, my nightmare:

We'd been stockpiling candy since the Christmas Gingerbread houses. :)

Labeling the parts of the cell.

Then, she assigned candy with a cell part. 

Sugar Cookie Cake. Just waiting. 

Colored icing for the plasma & membrane.

Little Sister helped.

She did it and she was so proud!

Look at that beast of a cell.

Just like most things, the angst of having to do it was worse than the task itself. Isn't that the worst?
Let me encourage you, Moms, if we can do it, anyone can. Real talk.

What's your nemesis of school projects for your kids? Science? PTA stuff?

Melissa
_________________________________

PS--Thanks for being patient while my blog undergoes a little construction.
Hopefully, it'll be just perfect soon! :)

Dear America

It's Thursday, Y'all, and it's been a while. These two statements are not related what-so-ever. 

Y'all know we moved, right? Well, that was a Baker Actable experience (All the Floridians understand!) in which I may or may not write about. I want to and it's hilarious, but the way this blog thing has gone lately...well...ya know. I don't want to just outright lie.

To keep things super anti-boring, which I am, we had some of our favorite Floridians come spend the weekend with us 6 short days after we moved in. Cause we're rollin', and <sing Montel Jordan here or you won't be reading it right> this is how we do it.

There's also this little matter of schoolin' these crazy little world changers! Listen. My kids are 98.4% Grade Awesome and their standard of schooling is, too. They are not members of the "C's Get Degrees" Club, of which I may or may not have been the president. Somebody has taught them nonsense about "excellence" & "quality" & "diligence" reflecting character. It's spectacular, really. This school load is killing me and not even softly. (Do you sing it Roberta Flack or Lauryn Hill? I gotta know.) Plus, they are hogging my Mac. 

Anyway, I digress.

Since it's Thursday and it's been a while, I've got a few little letters for ya. They range from Shallow to Snarky to Jesus, much like your writer. Enjoy.

Dear America,
Pinterest is not for boys.
I pinned a similar folding-table contraption on Saturday morning.
The Spouse & Little Sister took a mad fast run to
Home Depot, came back & did work
on this little bad-boy before, during half-time, and between football games.
For the win.

Dear America,
Chatting with this little lady about a recent tragic event. The ever-present question "Why?" was asked. She said, "I can tell you why. I know exactly why. It's the devil. We need Jesus."
Amen, Sister. Amen.

Dear America,

Miss-chee-vee-uss is not a word.

That is all.

Dear America,
No, Honey. Just no.
The fact that the parking lot is near empty is irrelevant.

Dear America,

This is part of the 98.4% Awesome of the Big Sister. Her assignment was to brainstorm ideas for a persuasive paragraph. Now she could have gone deep about ending modern-day slavery or Creation or something, but she went to sweaty palms & sweaty breasts. She is my child. 

So, let the child lead us to the Classy Place where women no longer put phones in their bras.

<P.S. Views expressed in persuasive paragraphs by the churrin' are not necessarily the views of the parents. I have never told my churrin' that everybody should homeschool. I have, in fact, discussed the disturbance of the bra phone. Yes, I noticed the incorrect "there". I was blinded by the brilliance & I don't correct this jazz in a brainstorm. She ended up going with the "Holding hands in church". She has issues with this that I do not share, but like a good parent, I laugh at hilarity. .>

Dear America,

Lord willing, my next blog post will be sans glasses or contacts.

I am pumped like a Reebok in 1991. 

While I think my little glasses the Big Sister chose are cutesy, 

being able to see is going to be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. 

So, here they are for the last time. If you think about it in the next few hours, 

go ahead and mention my name to Jesus.

Momisms: What She Said?

Happy Mother's Day to all the less-than-perfect moms! Enjoy!

I'm the mom that, on account of all the outrageous(-ly side-splitting & controversial) things that come out of mouth, when my girls say, "My mom said ______....", I tense up.
Scared.
Cause, my word, what did I say and in what context and in what frame of mind was I in when I said it? Was my mind even inside a frame or was it completely out there in some unrecognizable abyss of insanity? And, did my children drive me there? Was I hungry? And what kind of sense of humor does this person have that my girls are speaking to? Will he or she get it?
Welp. Too late.

Being a momma has caused me to say things that I NEVER thought would come out of my mouth, for a myriad of reasons. I bet you've got some of these, too.

Here's a few stories of some unbelievable things that I've said to my kids:
(I'll await the visit from the authorities.)

"That's it. Neither of you get to pray now."

This was the first crazy momism. The Sisters were arguing over everything, including who got to pray first at every. single. meal. I was done. One morning for breakfast, no one got to pray. Then I had to go to work at the Christian non-profit that I worked for and tell my friends what I had done to forfeit my Mom of the Year Award that year. We laughed about that for years.

What she said: My mommy wouldn't let me pray today.

"Do not get in that pen with that bull, Meghan. I'm not kidding."

Crazy bull in the pasture and my kid wants to dadgum get in there and make it her pet. 

This was about the time I said...

"Meghan, that chicken is not a baby. Put it down."

Ellie Mae Clampett would seriously carry our chickens around like little babies. Gross.
What she said: My mom doesn't like our chickens.

"I'm coming in there and I'm just gonna start swingin' a flip flop!"

What she said: My mom beats kids with her flip flops. College kids, too. 

Those things hurt.

"Girls. Tinker Bell is a little trollop."

OK. This was the original Tink. From Peter Pan. She was a little boy-crazy trollop in a short skirt! We preferred Wendy. The new, improved pixie is better.
What she said: My mom doesn't like Tinkerbell's clothes.

"If the adults are doing it, you can do it. Do you see the adults doing cartwheels in the middle of a conversation? No. No, you don't."

We've had to revisit this statement when around some immature adults. Gracious, Nelly.

What she said: Mom, the adults are eating ice-cream, can we?

"No more books til _____________ is done."

Yes. I "grounded" my child from books. Do not second-guess decisions made in the field. I did what I had to do.

What she said: I can't believe you won't even let me read.

"You do not interrupt unless you are gushing blood. I don't mean a little blood that you can put a band-aid on, I'm talking gushing blood that requires real medical attention."

I have a visual learner that needs a mental picture.

What she said: Mom's on the phone, I'll ask her later cause I'm not bleeding. 

Lesson learned.

"Really? You are freaking out cause she is touching your book? What do you think she is going to do to it? What if she does this [licks the book]?"

Yes. I licked a Nancy Drew book. I was sick of it.

What she said: My mom licks our stuff if we don't share it.

"I'm gonna go straight Madea on y'all if y'all don't get those rooms clean, 

little heathen children."

This was just this week. 

What she said: Mom, we are not heathen children and Miss Carolyn would not approve of you saying that cause she knows we never do anything wrong!"

Our friend has these children thinking that she actually believes they are perfect! Out of control over here, I tell you!

"Listen. Girls. I'm not mad. You aren't in trouble, I just need y'all to stop talking for a minute."

What she said: Mom needs a snack. She's hangry.

"How much of it did you eat? Just drink some water and wash it down."

This has been regarding Play-Doh, dirt, etc.
What she said: It's grittyyyyy!

"Hey, girls, what do you think if we start homeschooling and 

Mommy will be your teacher at home?"

What she said: You mean I don't have to wake up early?
Brilliant.

"Girls, you do not always have to repeat every little thing I say."

Can I get a Word?!

"No, Ma'am. You abso-smurfingly cannot act like that up in here. We homeschool and if you do junk like that in public, people will blame me and homeschoolers everywhere. Act like you've had some home-training, for the love of Peter. Social skills, Girls."
What she said: Ughhhhh.
Ha. 

I know y'all are judging. That's okay. Somebody out there is feeling like a little bit better of a mom now that she has had a glimpse into our shenanigans.
Seriously, why do I not have my own show? I can't understand this.

This picture was taken before church with no threatening or pinching or talking through teeth.
Score for Mother's Day.

What are some things you can't believe motherhood has forced you to say?