Insta-conversation for Parents & Kids.

Moms and Dads, you and I are parenting little digital natives. Outside of living on the compound, we cannot escape this. Eventually, these little digitally-savvy crumb-snatchers gifts from the Lord are going to want an iPod and/or a tablet of some sort and/or a phone.

I am not going to tell you how to parent your kids, or tell you when/if I think it is appropriate or necessary to allow kids to have a smart phone. You know your kids way better than I do and there is no biblical mandate on it so I'm not going there.

Today, we are going to focus on Instagram. Instagram seems to be the gateway to social media. Playing the "I'm just not a social media person" card is just not going to cut it if you are going to allow your kids to have access. Ok, so maybe I am telling you how to parent. *grin* But, really. If your kid has social media access, you should, too.

{Image belongs to Instagram}

So much of this comes down to teaching. We don't have to avoid social media outlets just because there are some sketchy aspects of it. You can, if you want. That doesn't make you a bad parent. Nor does allowing your kids to use them.

When navigating into the Insta-world, there is one thing for parents to consider first: Age of Usage.

This is a biggie for a lot of folks and for good reason. Below is the Children's Privacy portion of the Instagram Privacy Policy. A lot of folks read this to say the minimum age for usage is 13. That's not what this says. This policy is in effect to protect Instagram. It does say that the content of Instagram is "not directed at children under the age of 13",  I see that. This does not prohibit use. Those are two different things. "Parental consent" is a big phrase here. You are the parent. You get to decide. 

{From Instagram Privacy Policy}

Once we made the decision to 'go there', the dialogue (not lecture) began.
These are some things we discussed in our house:

1. Purpose- What is the purpose of Instagram? Why are we using it? For us, it's a photo sharing site. It's for fun and connection with friends. We understand that we don't use Instagram for meeting people or being popular or whatnot. You have to decide in your house what is an acceptable purpose for Instagram.

2. Privacy- Set that profile to private for the love of Mark Zuckerberg. There really is no reason to have your full name. First name, last initial is enough for your friends to know you.  Also, your 'single' status at age 12 is of no significance. Honestly. 

3. Following- We have an agreement about a few things. 1.) I follow who they follow. 2.) I follow who follows them. 3.) They do not grant any request for a follow without checking with me first. 4.) They don't follow anyone without checking with me first.
Let me be clear: my girls understand that we do this because we love them and are for them. They also understand that they have an enemy who hates them and is against them. This enemy will use any scheme necessary to bring destruction, including fun little Instagram. These little "rules" are not a battleground for us. We are together on it.

4. Popularity- This is hot issue for me. Not the popularity, per se, but begging for popularity. This business about "like for like" and "follow for follow" is so ridiculous of a thing it should not even be a thing. So, we talk about it. (This is the notion of liking other photos just so someone will like your photos, same for following.) What does it mean for a person to have a lot of "likes" or "followers"? Why would a person want to have a lot of followers?

In addition, just as a "social media etiquette" issue, I have told my girls, "You do not ever 'like' your own photo and liking every picture your friend posts is unnecessary." It's just cheesy. And, since I'm getting fired up, let's put a max on hashtags, shall we, for Jimmy Fallon's sake? Maybe 3 or 4 maximum per photo?

5. Pics-  We discuss what photos are appropriate to post. This may seem silly at first, but I don't think so. We just encourage our girls to be intentional with social media. We don't want to see any unflattering pictures of other people posted. (This came up when we saw a sister post up an unflattering picture of her sister as a joke. No.) We also don't want to see blessed selfie after selfie! I don't know where I got it from, but someone suggested a 1:20 ratio for selfies. I love it! So, the day I read it, we made it our 'rule of thumb'! We had a good laugh and thought it sounded like a great idea. So, for every selfie, you should post 20 photos of other things or people.

6. Porn- My girls understand that pornography means sexually implicit photos. (They've not seen any, give sketchy junk at a mall or commercial. Ugh.) They understand that porn is addictive and that most kids ages 9-13 see pornography by accident while searching online. They understand that pornography contributes to the buying and selling of humans. Because of this, they are careful not to just go perusing the popular page of Instagram.

The world of social media changes our world as parents. These are just parts of discussions that we've had as a family over time related to Instagram usage. This was not one conversation.

What would you add to this discussion?

Straight Talk About The Talk- Part 4

For a few weeks, we've been covering this area of 'The Talk' with our kids and teens. In Part 1, we covered the Littles. Pray early and often. Part 2 was about purity and marriage. This is big. The war against biblical marriage is raging furiously. Engage in this battle and enlist your kids to support marriage. Part 3 took us to learning to set goals for the future and just look ahead.

{{ http://roomfordebate.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/01/28/wired-kids-negligent-parents/ }}

Talk Media - This is multifaceted and I'm working hard not to be all over the place here. Failing.

Television, movies, music, print ads, internet, etc... they are all a part of that war against purity. I am all for censorship. Do not think that your child doesn't understand the innuendos. This is just ridiculous.  (Remember, the title says "Straight Talk".)

This doesn't necessarily mean censor forever.  At an appropriate age, discuss media messages with your child. Have conversations in light of God's Word, sharing a biblical worldview and your personal values. The point is, don't think they aren't internally processing the images--whether they mention them to you or not, they are processing.

Do not put a TV or computer in your kid's bedroom. This is a no-brainer to me. Please don't tell me that your kid is the one kid in America who would never choose to watch sketch on TV. When your son is channel surfing one day (maybe not today, but one day) he will see some breasts or cleavage and he will. slow. the. clicker. down.
I've recently heard of a family that requires iPods to be used in common areas of the house. I love this. We have allowed them to be used in the girls' bedrooms and they bring them to us at night, but I like this even better. We have discussed keeping iPods limited to downstairs, but haven't pulled the trigger just yet. It's time.

Media includes communications, such as phones and texting.
When I asked high school students for one piece of advice for me to give to parents of younger kids, the Number One response is, "Don't let them get a cell phone!"

No joke. High schoolers are seeing the problems of cell phones in their own lives. Just delay it as long as possible. I know it is convenient for your teen/preteen to have a phone, but parenting isn't always convenient. You had practices after school and went to friend's houses without a cell phone, little Junior can, too.
Also, texting is not required for the phone to work. Don't be afraid to shut it down. Seriously, other parents will applaud your willingness to take a stand, and likely follow suit. Be a trend setter! :)

On the subject of media, we have to talk social media. For starters, can we all agree that allowing your child to lie in order to get a Facebook or whatnot is not helpful to anyone? It's just not.
If you allow your teen to use social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc) you should have an account, too, and your teen should be required to friend you. Also, be aware that teens also have accounts with pseudonyms that parents aren't aware of. Have access to all computers and devices and check them often. It has nothing to do with not trusting them. At the end of the day, God has entrusted us with these precious ones and we have to be willing to fight for them and with them in the battle of purity.

Stay in the know on current trends in social networking and be a part of it. Y'all parents who are saying "Oh, I'm just not that computer savvy" or "I don't do the whole Facebook thing."--I don't know... That seems noble and all, but  I don't think it's wise, unless you are keeping your whole family away from all social media, too. And, that's great, if you are! Rock on. I support you from the other side!
Otherwise, you need follow CNET on Twitter. They post a lot of good reviews about trending apps and whatnot. Also, they are a good consumer resource on all things techy.

Again, it's not about trusting YOUR kids, it's about understanding that our kids are a target! There is a multibillion dollar porn industry that would love nothing more than to get my girls hooked.
[The porn industry sees us all in 3 categories: target (never exposed), bait (exposed, maybe curious), hooked]. This is the real deal. Get an internet filter on your computer! Net Nanny, Safe Eyes, something!

At the end of the day, you are the parent. I've said it before, you know your kid. Nothing I say here should do anything but empower you and maybe give you ideas about ways to navigate this better. If you've got ideas, let's hear 'em! Don't be greedy with your good stuff! Share!

Lovers, Haters, & the Perfect Life of Social Media.

This. This is garbage:

Listen. Post your workout. Post that it was a good one. I'm genuinely happy for you! When I'm in a funk, your dedication helps me. When you start a new program or start from scratch, I am encouraged. I will cheer with you and for you.
If you fall off the treadmill and smack your face, please, please for the love of Richard Simmons, post a dadgum Instacollage. I will respond with the pic of me and my wet pants.
[The link is for my baby readers. You're welcome.]

Perfect Life.
A few days ago, Shauna Nequist  posted a blog for Relevant Magazine, "Stop Instagramming Your Perfect Life."

In her post, she spoke about the dangers of social media to make us feel "less than". I get this. It's a thing. I don't want to post any picture or tweet or update that is going to make anyone feel like a loser. Here's the deal, I can't always control what makes you feel like a loser. Nor can you control if I'm having a slow day and can't handle that you just worked out, got groceries, wrote a paper for your Master's class, folded laundry and helped your kid's teacher all by 9am! Listen. On my best day, I will not do all that by 9! But, if you can and I can't be happy for you, well, that's on me!

And, sometimes it is on me. There are times that seeing my people do all these amazing things can start to make me feel loserish or homesick or question my calling. I have to check that with me and Jesus.

For example, I was going through a bit of a homesick season a few months ago. I took a six-week FB break and it helped. Seeing all the awesome things my friends were doing without me was making me sad. I was having a hard time being present. Well, that's not my friends' faults. They are just living. I had to make an adjustment.

Another time a friend and I commented on the same post on Facebook. Her comment made the point to say something to the effect of 'This is why I do better when I work outside of home. I feel like I make more of an impact on the world now than I did when I was at home.' This statement came at a time when I was really questioning my adequacy as a homeschooler and questioning my calling and I was emotional. (This is, like, every month.) I was ready to respond with how much of an impact it makes on my family and the future Kingdom of God that I am preparing these girls of mine for battle in this world. I didn't.
She wasn't talking about me. She was talking about her. I had to check that.

Listen. I understand that if your only social network is an online social network, you might think that everyone else is always beachin' it up or busting up some brothels or getting on another plane or getting married.

You know it's not true. That's not ALL your people and that's not ALL they're doing. One of the points that the author says is that "everyone's life looks better on social media". Well, yah. What do you want to see? My pile of laundry?

Fine. 

<True story: A few summers ago, we were evidently having a lot of good times on the old FB. One particular day, though, Spouse and I had had discussion about how much he had been working lately. Later that night, discussion subsided, we were with a friend who was commenting on how much fun we'd been having, according to the pictures he had been posting. She said, "Mark, do you ever work?" We about fell out. Too funny. Perspective, Kids. Perspective.>

Just do this exercise: When someone posts a pic of her trip, already KNOW that there is going to be a mess of suitcases and laundry when she returns, whether you see the picture or not.

Same for the gym: If you see my update about my workout. Don't hate. Imagine my smell.
It's not perfect. That'll help you.
Good grief.

The Haters.
The haters, they aren't ever gonna be happy. They are mad if you post your workouts, too many political posts, your meals, too many Jesus posts, too many soapbox posts, etc. You know. They are just gonna have something to say. And, I don't even mean these little memes. I mean, even the garbage one above makes me snicker. I don't have to agree with it for it to be funny.

How about these:
"I hate my life."
"I can't deal with people."
"I am so sick of _____."
Constantly!
That's what really bugs me. The downers and the foul people. Bless.
No joke, one time I saw one of these downer types post about his annoyance at other people being negative all the time! Spouse and I were cackling at the irony!

The Lovers.
I love the people.
The people in front of me and the ones on the screen.
My Facebook friends and Tweeps and Instagram followers are my people.
When my people's kids do well on their report cards, I love to rejoice with them!
When your kid makes a good showing in the steer competition or baseball game, post that stuff if you want to!
When your teenager stops thinking of herself for a split second and shows a glimmer of what you've been teaching her for 14 years, I will 'like' that, too!
When your 2 year old comes to show you-literally- that she pooped in the potty, dang. I'll be proud and sorry for you.
The hilarity that your kids come up with, post it, if you want to.
If your purpose for the social networking is to promote a cause close to you, rock on! I can hide you if it bugs me, but I ain't mad, Bro!

Let us consider how we may spur one another 

toward love and good deeds... Hebrews 10:24

Bottom line:
Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, they are all like the virtual fridge.
If you feel like it, share your life.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
We already know it's not perfect.